2nd Chances and Amazing Grace

Who has a neglected blog? WE do! & A new tradition

2011-12-01T18:33:00.001-08:00

It is no secret that life is hectic in our house! I have made attempts at reminding myself to blog. Thinking of great blog titles and posts, but it just hasn't happened very often, or at all. I am going to make a goal of blogging every day in December. That way I will close out the year with a bang and hopefully capture at least a little glimpse into our lives.

We are so very blessed and I really wish that I had more time to write down all of the kids' little and big milestones, their funny sayings and all of our adventures! Maybe someday I will have more time, but for now these few and far between memory chronicling posts will have to suffice. So this is my plan to blog EVERY night about something important to the family. Can I do it? Of course I can because I am a mom and everyone knows that moms have super skills!

Tonight we started a new tradition. The family met "Sandy" (Zac named her after the squirrel) our not so secret, Christmas angel! Let me give a little background on how Sandy came to live with us. You see I had shopped around a zillion times to find an elf, but was never successful. Then I began thinking maybe I didn't want an elf after all. Maybe I would just make something that would remind everyone in our house about the real meaning behind Christmas. Fast forward to Saturday night. I was googling the night away and somehow found My Secret Angel and Me.{Really it isn't fair to say somehow. It would make more sense to say divine intervention:)After talking with the author and hearing her grace, wisdom and happy voice I quickly realized God wanted this book in our house.} The website said they were all sold out. I was sad, but figured the tradition would just have to start another year...Then thanks to a fortunate chain of events, started by a facebook wall post, a quick phone conversation and some help from our mail lady, Sandy arrived in our mailbox today!

I hyped up our special present, the kids and hubby all sat down in the living room and then we read the special story. I will be honest that the kids were not nearly as excited as I was, ok as I still am. You see, for me, this whole holiday season is so focused on buying presents that the real gift, the greatest present ever given is often lost. I struggle because I want my kids to experience the fun and excitement of giving and receiving gifts, but I try to balance it all with traditions that return the focus on remembering the birth of our Savior. Because in my opinion it truly is the gift that never quits giving!

My prayer is that this little angel Sandy will help our family be constantly reminded of what matters most... And I must admit I will have fun hiding her so that she can check up on the kids!

Here are a few pictures of our new tradition. I ♥ my family!!!

Out of Words-Wednesday

2011-07-27T19:04:00.000-07:00

This picture is a self-portrait of the two most important kids in my life...We were at the Truck Pull (a whole different post). Emily had my camera, Zachary had just had a ring-pop and tada, this is the result :)
I cannot wait until Sunday when I can see these two goofy faces this close! Zachary has really had a rough time without Emily here the past few days...He has cried, pouted, and counted down the days! The day counting is actually really distracting, it is cute, loving and just on the edge of annoying. He doesn't understand, he just misses his sister. I must admit: I do too!

We've only just begun

2011-07-26T19:24:00.000-07:00

Today is my wonderful husband's thrity-sixth birthday. Last night, as we were chatting it up before bed-which is what we've done every night that we've slept together for the past eight, nearly nine years-he mentioned the fact that this birthday will tip him closer to his forties. As much as I hate to admit that I know too well, exactly, what he was thinking... We're getting old! Instead of sharing in that line of thinking, I pointed out this is really just the beginning! A couple at our church recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary! Talk about amazing, anyhow, I pointed out that this man is also more than twice Jonathan's age. Which to me means, we still have at least half of our lives ahead of us! At least there is that chance...
I love birthdays, I think it is awesome to celebrate the passing of another year, but more importantly I think it is a perfect time to remember that our days are not guaranteed and it makes sense to treasure them.
I am so proud of my husband. This year marked a big year for us, I think my "love-o-meter" has reached a level I never knew was possible for us... In May, he was baptized, making an outward statement of faith, that more importantly symbolized a shift in his heart. I didn't expect this shift, I didn't beg for it... I must admit I did pray for it, repeatedly! Together we have accomplished so much. I am so grateful for every day that we share together. Especially the special days, like birthdays and holidays, but even more important are the days when I see us act as a couple and as a family in a way that deepens my faith and strengthens our love.
So this birthday, I celebrate so much more. I know that we share something new this year that we didn't before! You could even say this is his first birthday, but I won't. Who knows what kind of trouble that might mean?
So to my wonderful, amazing, husband:
Happy Birthday! This is only the beginning. I am still learning to love you and I know that we have a gazillion years ahead of us to experience life, make new memories, but most of all to share those special "trying to solve every problem in the world" before bed chats! I love you, so much more than I ever thought possible♥

To eat meat or not to eat meat: That is the question?

2011-07-25T19:11:00.000-07:00

Last week was a first for this "cook!" Every dinner I planned was "meat-free." The boys obliged every, single, one of my attempts and even asked for a repeat of some of the recipes in the future. Since I was lazy this weekend, today became grocery day. I had to decide: meat or no meat? I knew that the boys were ready to eat meat again, but I wasn't so sure about me!?! I made the grocery list and meal plan, but could not decide what I was going to eat. I have never been a fan of cooking more than one meal based on people's likes or dislikes! But wait, this is different, right? Maybe? Kind of!?! The thing is, I didn't go meat-free last week based on cruelty to animals or worries of what is injected into the animals, although those reasons do really bother me sometimes! The main reason is when I eat meat, mainly beef or pork, my stomach generally revolts! This also happens when I eat fried foods, but I am not sure if I can "quit" french fries, ha ha. In any case, I made it to the grocery store and still hadn't decided. Then I walked to the meat section and instantly made my decision. I don't know why, it wasn't the smell or even the look of things, I mean I still picked "choice" cuts for the family dinners, but I just felt like I didn't want it. So I quickly, readjusted my list and set out to go at least one more week meat-free. Tonight's dinner was relatively easy(after grocery shopping, I almost want to go on strike!). For the boys it was grilled chicken salads and for me it was grilled mushroom salad. It was so tasty. It was a win, win. All of us eat healthy foods and I was able to grill their chicken and my mushrooms, side by side. It did look a little strange, but who cares, right?
So, now the fun will be figuring out how to make dinner one time, while still making "Mommy's" portion sans meat! This should be exciting!

Oh Sweet Summer Rain

2011-07-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

There is nothing like the beautiful smell of summer rain. Or maybe it is the sound of the thunder and the chance of cooler weather. Whatever the reason, I am a sucker for summer rain! I used to be a lover of all kinds of rain, but then after the whole house flooding incident, I have become not so fond of the torrential downpours, especially in the spring time. Wait! Back to the summer rain... For the past week or so, I have been dreaming of the sound of rain splashing against my windows, but until today, dream was a close as I got.
Today, was hot! I mean way too hot! Unbearably warm. In fact, at one point this afternoon I checked the weather website and it said the temperature was a nasty 101 degrees, with a humidity intensified heat index of 126. That is the hottest I have ever seen a prediction here. It may have been an error, but in any case, it had me once again dreaming of rain. The summer rain storms here are amazing. They come in, drench everything, and then just like that, they are done! Maybe that is part of why I love them so. I know they are fleeting, they will be gone soon and so maybe I savor them more. It might also be the fact that summer rain here lowers the temperature, it takes the humidity from unbearable to beautiful and usually is accompanied by a rainbow. I didn't see one today, but according to my friends on facebook and their picture posts, there were, in fact, rainbows spotted after this summer rain.
The summer rain storms make me feel giddy! I want to go run in the rain, maybe even dance in the rain. Which I have actually done a time or two. I didn't today because the storm had some pretty gnarly lightening, but I did dream about it. I opened the back door and listened to it... I burned my dinner because of it. Well, I don't know why I did that. I started dinner, a nice healthy stir-fry and rice and somehow walked away with the veges on way to high and tada a few minutes later the discovery of burning broccoli. No worries though, my husband suggested pizza and I was happy this meant a trip out in the rain. Usually, I wouldn't be that excited to drive in the rain, but he said he would drive and Zac and I could just go along for the drive. So, that's what we did. We ran in the rain, to the truck. We laughed because we were drenched. We drove through the water filled streets and Zac and his Daddy talked about how good this rain was for everything that is growing... This was a truer statement than either of them were thinking- This rain was good for this mommy too! I needed it, just like the flowers and the fields. It was just what my heart needed to take a break from this heat and remember the beauty of a summer rainstorm ♥

My Bestie

2011-07-23T20:21:00.000-07:00

There are some days when I would give anything to be back in California, just to hang out with my friends. Today, could be one of those days, yesterday and possibly tomorrow too! The hardest part of having been blessed with the type of awesome friendship that Randi and I have, is sometimes you just wish you could hang out.
I know that many people take their friends for granted, but not me. Especially not "our" Randi, Auntie Randi as the kids call her. She has always been supportive of our family, she is the first to point out when I may need to rethink things, but she always supports us. She is one of the strongest, most loving people I have ever known. I thank God for the role that she has in our family, she is so much more than just my bestie. If I could somehow build a portal where we could swap places and spend time together I would! And I would travel back and forth as much as possible, I know the kids and Jonathan would join me too.
I think of her at so many random times:

Corn, especially grilled

Home Depot

Pork Chops, especially grilled

San Francisco

Red Trucks

French Bulldogs

Sports, pretty much all of them

Vanessa Carlton

Tyrone Wells

Eat, Pray, Love

Drag Queens

Kate Nash

Blackberry Cell Phones

Radish

Angels Baseball

Pat Summit

WNBA

Fedex-Kinkos

Basketball shorts

Visors

Fish Tanks

Really, I could continue this list, on and on, but I won't! The point is I have been blessed with the best bestie in the entire world! I love her and miss her everyday, but I am so grateful to know that I always have her in my corner♥

Missing Emily!

2011-07-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Emily,
When you aren't here, we are boring! I admit, we don't know how to be fun without you!
The moment I met you, I knew I loved you, but I didn't expect to ever miss you like this!!!!
I know that you are having so much fun in Louisiana, but our lives are a little empty without you.
We go through the motions, as we always have, but something is missing! You are missing!
Some step-moms may dream of a break from their step-kids, but not me! I know that you make life so much fuller... You add excitement, smiles and love! And when you're not here, I feel as if all of that is missing!!!
Your brother is really missing you. I know that it has only been 1 week and I know that we have over a week left, but I must admit: we really miss you!
On the most positive note I can think of: When you come back it will be awesome! You will be starting 7th grade and we are so excited to experience life with you!
My prayer is that God is gracious with you.... I pray that you make good, life long friends! I pray that you are surrounded by people that make you see that the sky is the limit! Most of all though, I pray that you know how much we love you and how much we treasure every, single thing about you!!!
Love you Emi Anne ♥

Trying to see ALL that he sees?

2011-07-21T18:17:00.000-07:00

Some days I feel so totally blessed to be mom to two of the most amazing kids in the world! It is no shocker that we are really missing Emily. The plan was to spend a lot of time doing "boy" stuff; doing the kind of things that a 3 year old boy would love to do. We have found though, even with our fun, we still miss Sissy. I think we will all be grateful when she is back, it just feels weird, like something is missing! It is obviously, we miss her!
I love books and sometime recently (within the last year) I was in a local used books store and saw a book title that caught my eye: "If We'd Wanted Quiet, We Would Have Raised Goldfish" By Bruce Lansky It is a book of poetry that is awesome! It is all about kids and parenting, some things are endearing, others well, they are really funny!
I love this one, it fits perfectly with how I feel today...
A Hidden World
Have you ever peeked into the opening
of an automatic teller machine,
or noticed how you look
in a doorknob or a spoon?
When was the last time you took a shortcut
to get home,
or watched pieces of dust
twirling in a sunbeam?
My son guides me through a world
otherwise hidden to me.
By Betsy Franco
Today, I took Zac and a new little buddy, to the park. It was SO much fun. Early this morning, I woke up, checked the weather report and really thought about postponing this little play date. Luckily, I didn't! I pushed myself to be prepared with lots of hydration and also bought bubbles, an activity we could do in the shade. When it is as hot here as it has been lately, a breeze (even warm air) is like a blessing from heaven. So when we were getting out of the car and I could hear the sound of leaves moving in the breeze... That sound at that moment, was definitely, better than a hallelujah! We walked to the playground, and again like a miracle from heaven, there was just enough shade over most of the playground for the boys to really play for about 45 minutes. I noticed the sweet rambunctious boys started slowing down, so we decided to go sit at a picnic table to "cool off." We had so much fun! We blew bubbles, played with cars and then my favorite part: we went on a "treasure" hunt! First we picked up trash treasures... I really didn't like that idea, but both boys were really bothered by the trash every where :( After we picked up a few trash items, I handed the boys a ziploc bag and we found some really awesome treasures: pinecone, rocks, sticks, and bark. Then our little friend was hungry, so we decided to call it a day! It was probably one of the most enjoyable trips to the park I have ever had. I was in no hurry, I was only there to experience every moment, just as Zachary was. When he squealed and giggled with excitement so did I! I am so grateful for all of these special memories, to see what might have been hidden from me, if it weren't for my ability to see things the way he sees them! I truly love being a mom ♥

All Aboard... Next Stop B.S.?

2011-07-20T18:09:00.000-07:00

And by B.S. I mean a bachelor's of science degree, naturally :) So this last year of school will be a crazy one, I am certain, but I am anxiously anticipating a lot of growth, challenges, tears and of course, laughs! This journey has been so incredibly, indescribably fulfilling. It seems like a life time ago when I started with developmental algebra! Now as luck would have it, Jonathan is just beginning his college experience and is spending his summer doing the same crazy math problems!
I am constantly amazed that I have made it this far. I try to quiet my self-doubt by repeating this verse, over and over:
I can do all this through Christ who gives me strength- Philippians 4:13
So far, this has worked. I have said it as a prayer before some very difficult exams in the first two years, and most recently before taking the dreaded Praxis II tests. Amazingly, I somehow passed the four Praxis II exams that are required for licensure. My plan is to take at least one more, for Special Education certification, but it will be likely closer to the end of this year. I am not a great test taker, in fact, I may be a terrible test taker. There are two aspects of my personality that make it possible for me to succeed, even when I fail horribly on tests: 1) I study very, very hard! 2) I don't give up! Even if I fail, I make it my mission to do much better the next test, and usually I do.
Next week, I plan to meet up with my mentor teacher. This is very, very exciting, at least to me! I have literally been praying for this person, since I was accepted into the teaching program. I feel certain that this person will teach me more than any textbook! I am nervous because this is a pairing that will last for the next year. I have faith that God has woven His will into all of my education. I am certain that this placement has a divine connection!
I can't wait to graduate!!! I can't wait to be a teacher!!! Most of all, I can't wait to continue to live the life God has in store for my family in the future. I know that the next year will be challenging as I transition into being away from my kids at least 40 hours a week. Thinking about all of the changes forces me to start repeating Phil 4:13. So I will stop here...with this:

All aboard, this is sure to be a crazy rewarding, challenging and exciting ride, filled with all of the best God has to offer this family! Check back... I intend to chronicle more of my adventures this year than I have in the past ♥

Draft to Published

2011-07-19T19:45:00.000-07:00

Funny title, I know a little cliche and all but it is what I can't help but thinking at this very moment.
I always think, entirely too much actually, but I can't seem to escape my brain it follows me wherever I go! Lately, with some very sobering things happening in my family, I have been questioning a lot of things. I have been overwhelmingly overcome by a feeling of purpose. Although I say overwhelming, it is really an amazingly comforting feeling. When questions of life and death, are too big for me to understand, sometimes I find myself questioning God and asking why? Because I don't know how to look beyond my own mind and see that I am only a tiny little speck in this thing we call life, and even though I think I am pretty smart, the bigger picture... God's purposes and plans are WAY too big for me to grasp the majority of the time!
I was raised to understand these things, I memorized this bible verse as a kid.
Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails. (NIV)
I mean duh, that seems easy enough right?
So the above post was something that I created over two years ago, but instead of posting it, I allowed it to sit idly in draft state.
Oddly enough today in my bible reading I came across this verse and remembered this unpublished post. I read the Proverbs in a cyclical way. There are just enough proverbs as there are days in the month. It works out perfectly. For example, today is the 19th so I read the 19th chapter. In any case, the verse is always so applicable....
I struggle so much in letting go of fear about what I am doing, what direction I am going in, and lately mainly-will I ever work again? The saying "Let go and Let God!" is a real tough concept for me. The older I get and the more I see God's hand in every single thing I do, but somehow it seems so much more difficult. Mainly because I feel that I should have developed greater faith or trust God more, but sadly my connection to humanity and the things that make me so insecure seem to speak so much louder than anything else I hear. I never doubt that God is in control, or that he has my absolute best interest in mind! However, I struggle at times feeling so inadequate. I have lived through enough of life to know that there are times of pain and times of joy. When I was young, the times of joy were so starkly contrast to the times of gut wrenching pain, that as an adult I sometimes fear that heartbreak is just around the bend, any bend! That is a horrible truth that I feel almost silly admitting, but it is really so true, so raw and so real!
Part of the reason I am posting this today is because I want to remember to let go. The other thing is I want my children (and husband) to understand that faith is often accompanied by doubt. I mean even Jesus' friends had doubts and they saw him in the flesh. I don't want them to ever feel alone in this feeling and I want more than anything for all of us to share in finding God's purpose.
I ran across this quote a few days ago: "Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ." C. S. Lewis
I think it perfectly sums up how everyone should view life's doubts and anxieties ♥

Me + You=Divine Conspiracy?

2011-07-18T19:07:00.000-07:00

God Gave Me You- Dave Barnes
I’ve been a walking heartache
I’ve made a mess of me
The person that I’ve been lately
Ain’t who I wanna be

But you stay here right beside me
Watch as the storm blows through
And I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

There’s more here than what were seeing
A divine conspiracy
That you, an angel lovely
Could somehow fall for me
You’ll always be love’s great martyr
Ill be the flattered fool
and I need you

God gave me you for the ups and downs
God gave me you for the days of doubt
Find More lyrics at www.sweetslyrics.com
For when I think I’ve lost my way
There are no words here left to say, it’s true
God gave me you

On my own I’m only
Half of what I could be
I can’t do without you
We are stitched together
And what love has tethered
I pray we never undo

I love this song because it speaks volumes about how grateful I am for the love I have found. More than the love though, in Jonathan I have found myself. His love for me has opened so many doors that I had locked shut, years ago! He makes me believe that I am capable of so much more than I ever thought possible. My prayer is that my kids will find love like this. I want them to search for not what is easy in life and in love, but instead to seek out the "divine conspiracy" of who God has made for them. I truly believe God gave me Jonathan because he knew that in him I could find the courage and support to live the life God had destined for me all along ♥

Are you a weed?

2011-07-17T15:52:00.000-07:00

Ironically enough, last week at church I heard about a parable that was applicable to my day and today the same thing has happened. Mind you it is a different parable, but similar situation. Today's parable is this one(I've borrowed this from Bible Gateway):

The Parable of the Weeds
24 Jesus told them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven is like a man who sowed good seed in his field. 25 But while everyone was sleeping, his enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and went away. 26 When the wheat sprouted and formed heads, then the weeds also appeared.
27 “The owner’s servants came to him and said, ‘Sir, didn’t you sow good seed in your field? Where then did the weeds come from?’
28 “‘An enemy did this,’ he replied. “The servants asked him, ‘Do you want us to go and pull them up?’
29 “‘No,’ he answered, ‘because while you are pulling the weeds, you may uproot the wheat with them. 30 Let both grow together until the harvest. At that time I will tell the harvesters: First collect the weeds and tie them in bundles to be burned; then gather the wheat and bring it into my barn.’”

Explanation followed a little later...
36 Then he left the crowd and went into the house. His disciples came to him and said, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds in the field.”
37 He answered, “The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. 38 The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the people of the kingdom. The weeds are the people of the evil one, 39 and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.

40 “As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. 41 The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. 42 They will throw them into the blazing furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43 Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Whoever has ears, let them hear.

In front of our house we have a huge ditch, it is on either side of the driveway, and is where our property ends at the road. It is there to collect water mainly and for small animals to use as their home. It has also been used as a parking spot a few times, but that was purely accidental. In any case, grass grows there sometimes, but right now all that is growing there is giant weeds: Pigweed to be more precise. Well, this weed has completely taken over the ditch and doesn't seem to have plans of dying out. Today, the husband decided he was going to buy a sling blade, and yes he quoted the movie about 50 times day, ha ha! In any case, we drove around and no one had the tool he needed to rid the poor ditch of this terrible weed. It became somewhat comical, here on the day when Jesus told the story about leaving the weeds in the wheat field, we are unable to find a way to rid ourselves of weeds... And then I decided to come home and blog about it. Which led to an even more ironic finding, this terrible weed may not be so terrible after all; apparently, this weed is edible, only to humans(it is deadly to livestock), so is it really a weed? Who knows, really that is not on my current track of thinking anyway...
So this is where I am at: When Jesus explained the parable and described the weeds as "the people of the evil one," he went into more detail about how judgement will come and in my opinion this parable speaks volumes about grace. I have heard this parable many times before, but never really saw grace, until today. The weeds are not killed out in the beginning, as would make sense from a farming/gardening perspective. Instead, Jesus said to allow them to grow and at the time of harvest separate the weeds from the wheat. I obviously understand that a weed can't become wheat, but maybe there is a deeper connection as to why Jesus said to allow the weeds to grow. Maybe not all weeds are forever evil, maybe like the pigweed in our ditch, some weeds become useful and serve a purpose. I would like to think that even though I was very "weedy" at some points in my life, likely giving more honor to the evil one than I even understood, I am now every day becoming a little more of the golden wheat God has designed me to be...Prayerfully, even one day becoming suitable for the harvest.
Just like last weeks post, this may blog may not make any sense to a person reading this, but in my heart a deeper bond was formed with my Creator because I was able to see something new in an old parable because I was able to see it in tangible way.
Now however, I will end this blog because my husband really wants to rid the ditch of evil doers, aka weeds! :)

If he had his way...

2011-07-16T16:15:00.000-07:00

If Zachary had his way, he would own every single Cars toy ever made and we would play them all day long! And by all day, I mean ALL day. We saw the newest Cars2 movie at the beginning of this month. I didn't hate it, I can't say I loved it either, but I can say that Zachary did! He can retell the entire story beginning to end. Since seeing the movie, he has decided that he needs every single car toy they have ever made. Sadly, this mommy (and especially daddy) seem to really be feeding into his obsession. We had a stressful week or two when we were unable to find the sinister mastermind Prof. Z. Luckily, we were able to find him, at the grocery store of all places.
I remember growing up and loving the Disney movies. I loved Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, as well as Lion King. I was not a big fan of Sleeping Beauty or Snow White. Go figure, I'd some day become a stepmom and those movies really vilified them, yuck! Some of my friends, who are also parents of little ones, have voiced their disapproval of how violent this movie was. Although, I agree that it could have been less violent, I also am very grateful that there were not attacks on parents or family members, and also that it isn't a love story! Call me crazy, but little kids don't need to be dreaming of prince charming their entire lives, ha ha!
I digress, back to Zachary and his love of all things Cars2-- Here is the answer to the questions I asked him this evening about the movie.
Was Cars2 a good movie? Why? Yes. Because I like it. Why are you typing?

What was your favorite part of the movie? When Gremlin and Finn McMisslile were shooting at each other. That's my favorite part, because I liked it.

Did you learn anything from the movie? No, I don't. I learned about spies, oh yeah!

Who was your favorite character?Hmmm, you mean in Cars2? The bad guys and Finn McMissile. I like him, that's why, wait I need to get something.

If you could change the story in any way, how would you change it? The parts I like. --He starts playing and making vroom, vroom noises.

What is your favorite Cars2 toy? Why? I like all of them. I like them because they are from different places. Some are from the old Cars movie.

Why do you like your toys so much? Because I like them because they are good. They are plastic, but part of them are metal. Finn's gun is plastic it will break, but the rest are all metal.

How many more Cars2 toys do you need? I need hmm... I need like... I need, um...I need the one that has two in a package with Holly Shiftwell. I really just need all of them.

All of this may be really trivial and meaningless at the moment, but I know some day when my little guys is much more grown, I will wish for the days when the biggest bit of drama is locating the missing car! I ♥ Zachary

Where has the time gone?

2011-07-15T18:38:00.001-07:00

Today I spent 9 hours in my car. I spent more than half of the time by myself(Emily only rode one way and slept the majority of the trip), which was really ok. Times like these, I realize how far I have come. There is no way 10 years ago I could have been alone for 4+ hours by myself, but today was almost enjoyable at times. I have thought about blogging about my drive today, but it really wasn't that interesting, in fact , it was really very uneventful! I mean I could totally bore someone with the fact that I really dislike using public bathrooms. I have found that rest areas have the cleanest most well maintained restrooms. Today, I dropped Emily off, drove toward home about 30 minutes then ate lunch, which included a drink. About 30 minutes later I needed to use the restroom. I had timed this perfectly. I was even thinking to myself, that was so smart, now you can use this restroom and then make it home. Not so fast! The rest area was open, but to my disappointment the bathrooms were closed. I was thinking o.k. I can make it to the next rest area...This is where things get hilarious, in a ha ha, this isn't really funny way! The next 3 rest areas in Mississippi were all closed for remodeling/redoing of some kind! Ugh! So eventually, like 200 miles later I decided I HAD to use the restroom and went to a McDonald's. That will teach me to assume a rest area will be the best place to stop. --Seriously, this topic for a blog would be totally awful!
In any case, while driving I started thinking about the fact that the year is half way over. I just can't believe how fast the years fly by as I get older, seriously, someone needs to slow things down. I was thinking back to my New Year's resolutions and thinking that although I have accomplished some things, I really need to get to work if I want to complete my list. So I am refreshing my memory with my resolutions and updating for things that have been accomplished, which sadly isn't very much. I think I will work on a few of these in the coming days, yes, that is what I will do!
My apologies for this blog... I don't want to miss a day, but I am really out of ideas today!

These are my resolutions for 2011: As originally posted in January
1.)Keep the house clean--I really need to work on being a better housekeeper. The goal is to have a house that is suitable for guests without the guests having to give me 24hr notice. I have improved in this area, but work still needs to be done! I let the cleaning get away from me too often.

2.) ~~Invite people over for fun, food and friendship--Since moving back in I've realized that I LOVE having people over so in 2011 my goal is to have friends over at least once a month.~~ We have done well with this had dinner guests and even a party or two :)

3.)Start memory books for both kids--I want to create small journals where I put into quick memories or pictures. I think it would be fun to give to them someday. Totally haven't worked on this at all--but I will soon!

4.)~~Go on Vacation--No explanation necessary!~~ With our trip to San Diego this was accomplished!

5.)Lose some weight, be more physically fit--No explanation necessary! Ugh, seriously needs work!

6.) Read through the Bible cover to cover--I've already started and plan to have this goal completed by March 27th. Completely missed that goal, maybe a bit to ambitious for me...Still working on this!

7.) ~~Volunteer more--Not sure how, where, or when, but hopefully God will open the doors and show me where I need to be and when.~~ Whew, at least I have done a few admirable things since January!

8.) ~~Be more scheduled~~ and organized--I am not sure how this goal is meant to be accomplished, but I am currently reading "self-help" books on this subject, so we will see.--Still needs work, but I have improved some...

9.) Create a prayer corner somewhere in my house--I've always wanted a little corner with a bean bag or some other type of comfy pillow. A place where I can go and quiet the world.--Uh oh, I may have forgotten about this completely.

10.) ~~Help my hubby get started on his way towards a college degree--No explanation necessary!~~ He is on his way, hooray!

11.) Organize our pictures--I have digital photos here, there and everywhere and I really need to find a better way of preserving the memories for the kids.--Another forgotten goal, I see a pattern here :/

12.) Write a good poem--I've had a thing for poetry the past year or so. I would really like to write a poem that is worth keeping this year.--Words fail me...ha ha!

13.) Do something spontaneous--I have NO idea how this resolution will be resolved, but I hope it is!--Still have no idea???

14.) ~~Schedule regular dates with each of the kids and especially the hubby--No explanation necessary!~~ Trips to get eyebrows waxed and Sonic dates have helped make this goal cheap and effective, ha ha!

15.) Make 3 2 paintings-- I would really like to create a watercolor, acrylic and oil painting this year.--One down 2 to go.
Looks like so far I have a failing grade on my resolutions, but now that I have reminded myself, I see a lot of potential for completion!

Looking ahead, but not too far

2011-07-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

There is a fine line between savoring every moment and focusing too closely on the here and now. I seem to be running into this line too often lately. I have had such an amazing summer treasuring every moment with the kids, but I have also failed to accomplish a few things. I think maybe I just allowed us all to be really relaxed, meaning I didn't plan dinners, I have haphazardly cleaned and went grocery shopping. I realize that with the fast approaching end of summer comes the added responsibility of sticking to schedules. To be completely honest I think the structure will do us all good. But I am not hurrying the end of our summer break just yet! Instead, I am going to spend the next two weeks soaking up as much special time as I can with Zac. Emily is leaving tomorrow for a visit with her mom. That means it will be ideal for Zachary and I to really focus on doing fun, boy stuff! I can't wait to blog about our adventures... For tonight I have to go to sleep. I know the morning is fast approaching and I have an 8 hour, 500+ mile drive to accomplish, solo.
I ran across this poem as I was "researching" ideas for preschool curriculum for Zac this fall... It is truly beautiful and so perfectly sums up how I feel about my baby boy!

I Took His Hand and Followed
Mrs. Roy L. Peifer

My dishes went unwashed today,

I didn't make the bed,

I took his hand and followed

Where his eager footsteps led.

Oh yes, we went adventuring,

My little son and I...

Exploring all the great outdoors

Beneath the summer sky

We waded in a crystal stream,

We wandered through a wood...

My kitchen wasn't swept today

But life was gay and good.

We found a cool, sun-dappled glade

And now my small son knows

How Mother Bunny hides her nest,

Where jack-in-the-pulpit grows.

We watched a robin feed her young,

We climbed a sunlit hill...

Saw cloud-sheep scamper through the sky,

We plucked a daffodil.

That my house was neglected,

That I didn't brush the stairs,

In twenty years, no one on earth

Will know, or even care.

But that I've helped my little boy

To noble manhood grow,

In twenty years, the whole wide world

May look and see and know.

Then and Now

2011-07-13T18:25:00.000-07:00

Then

I really thought I had blogged about Emily's first trip to cheer camp last summer, but apparently I did not. Sad. The happy part is I am going to blog about the culmination of Emily's second trip to camp... At least now there will be some blogged memories of both events.
Rewind to last year, it was so hard to have Emily very emotional and homesick. We had all just been through the whole flood thing and I think we were closer last summer than ever before. When Emily called home in the evenings she was very sad and did not seem to enjoy her chance at a little bit of freedom. Picking her up, getting to see her and her squad perform was amazing! They were really fantastic! Seeing Emily in her uniform for the first time made me very emotional, she seemed so mature. Her Daddy and I had fun on the drive home, while she slept. We talked about and reminisced on how much she has grown, about all her quirky ways and our hopes(really my hopes, he just listened) for her future.
This year was very different! First of all she was gone two days less, but actually the same because she went with a friend to the lake the weekend before camp. She wasn't nearly as homesick. She was quite a bit more dramatic, somehow managed to play a prank on and scare a friend. In fact, she scared the friend so much, that the coaches were involved. I received a text message shortly before midnight that she was in "so much trouble" and she needed me to "come get her!!!" She even added a misspelled "plese" at the end of the text. I wasn't furious, I knew she would feel bad enough on her own and the next evening when I talked to her I know she was wishing she would have a) went to bed when she was supposed to and b) not texted me the night before :)
Last year, Jonathan and I made the nearly 2 hour drive (one way) together. This morning, I had to leave the house before 6:30 am and drive all by myself. For the record, I don't enjoy driving by myself! The ride home last year was very quiet, Emily fell asleep nearly immediately and slept the entire drive. Today, not only did she not sleep (a friend who rode home from camp in our car did, ha ha) she talked the entire time. Usually, I love talking to her, and I did really treasure this time together, but I think she must have really been deprived of sleep the last week or so because we had some strange conversations. She told me how she wants to change the spelling of her name (Emilee is much more, cool!), we talked about every single bit of drama at camp-This is where I must say that I was having a hard time getting through to her sleepy brain. My points were not making sense to her and her's were making no sense to me. Mostly, I just want her to find a way to rise above girly drama as much and as soon as possible, but it may be difficult because after our conversation today I think she may really like it!
I will end this blog by saying that I am so very proud of her, and her squad! I can't wait to watch them grow and mature over the next year. I feel very attached to all of these girls, one had a little melt down today and my heart broke for her... I imagine after some sleep and a few days without new cheer routines they will all be fantastic! All of the girls are beautiful and unique and have such awesomely hilarious personalities. Emily is more beautiful and talented today then I can ever remember her being, but I will probably think that tomorrow too! I ♥ her more than words, I treasure watching her grow and shake her pompoms, ha ha!
Now

Bitter{sweet}

2011-07-12T19:22:00.000-07:00

The toughest part of being a mom for me is the feeling my kids are growing up too quickly! I know that I can't stop it, so, I try to the best of my ability to treasure my days with them. I hope they know how much I love them every minute, of every day. My heart swells with pride, as I watch them gain independence; whether it is Emily spreading her wings away from home at cheer camp, or Zachary learning how to dress himself. On the other hand part of my heart longs to press a GIANT pause button, so I can have just a little more time to teach them, to protect them, but most of all few more chances to hug them and hold them!
My later childhood and early teenage years were a complete disaster and I think part of me fears how my role will change as they need me less. I imagine many moms feel a similar type of anxiousness, but my goal is to continually recommit my heart to raising independent, self-thinking, loving, courageous adults. I know that my children are truly gifts from heaven and that means they don't belong to me, but instead are given temporarily to me to care for and nurture. It is safe to think that this will be more difficult than I can even imagine... So I will stop trying and just focus on how amazing our times are together and how every day they are growing into more beautiful, smart and talented individuals!
Here is my current favorite "parenting" song, it reminds me of the need to spend as much time as I can tucking memories away. It may not be possible to give my children everything money can buy, but my prayer is I give them everything that money can't buy!

Feeling hot, Hot, H.O.T!!!!

2011-07-11T18:20:00.000-07:00

The summer weather in the Mid-South can be excruciatingly hot, today is nothing short of that! As you can see from the above screen shot the temperature at this moment is only 92 degrees, but the kicker here is humidity. What you can't see is after 8 p.m. here the humidity is at 68% which makes it "feel like" 107 degrees! Yikes!
I for one would love to just stay indoors. My husband and son however, feel they must go outside! Not only just be outside, but actually work outside, they are seriously crazy! I went out side for only 10 minutes and I quickly became covered in sweat, yuck!
Even with this hot, hot, hot weather, the day was wonderful! Zachary and I are having so much fun just being together. He is obsessed with his new Cars2 toys, and I must admit I like them too! He loves to play with them all day long. I hope I never forget how he pronounces "Francesco Bernoulli." It is too cute!
I wish that I had more to say tonight, but sadly, words escape me... It is rare, but it happens. I had really hoped to have many more substantial blog posts this month, but at this point, I am just struggling to post at all. I ♥my life, but sometimes I just can't find the words to explain how truly blessed I am!

"You looking like a fool with your {peas} on the ground!" & My {parable} garden

2011-07-10T18:40:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read that right. I just quoted that hilarious guy from American Idol... only with a little twist. I swapped the word pants for peas, purple hull peas to be exact. You see in our garden we have two long rows of purple hull peas and for some reason after a storm blew them one way, they decided never to go back. You must be thinking what's the big deal? (Or you might possibly be thinking why am I reading this blog post about peas on the ground?)
These peas have moved so far one direction that they are now threatening to climb up and over our pepper plants, and we decided to put a stop to it. Actually, Jonathan decided something had to be done and I just went along with it and now I am blogging about it. Best part of this evenings work was the fact that I could not get that tune and lyrics (changed to peas on the ground) out of my head. Considering it is swelteringly hot outside, I think we all could use all the comic relief we can get!
There is more to tonight's goal than I originally expected. As I stood out there, mainly just snapping pictures, singing about "peas on the ground" and holding things for the husband, I was reminded of today's gospel reading at church: The Parable of the Sower(Matthew 13). I know that I have heard this parable quite a few times in my life, but as I stood out there in the middle of our garden things started to whirl around in my head. That is generally what happens to me sometime between Sunday evening and Monday morning... The various pieces of scripture that I heard/read earlier in the day come back and I find myself thinking about how to apply them. Back to tonight: So I am in the garden, we are tying back these wildly unyielding peas and I am thinking in parables. All of the sudden I see myself, as these peas, I am growing, I am branching out, but I need guidance, I need support and I may need to refocus! The parable from today is focused on the initial growth, making it important to chose the soil wisely, but what about after the initial planting? My spiritual life has already been established "in the best soil I had," but their is still more needed, I need growth! I don't think I will ever look at these peas or the barrier that we built in the same way. All of this will likely make sense to no one but me, but the overwhelming point to me is God is speaking, working and desiring to support and guide me, but I need to grow closer to him and the support he is offering. Otherwise, I will end up like these peas muddy, beat down and maybe even heading into places where I don't belong :)
So here is what we (again, I was mainly standing around) did to support, guide and restrain the peas, in order to protect the innocent peppers-

Now that I saw this all in the garden, I am thinking and listening... How does God want to bring me back in, keep me where I need to be and help me to grow in the best way possible, to produce the most fruit! With all this in my head I need to get off of the computer and go spend some time in prayer and seeking God.
If you have made it this far in this blog, my prayer is that God makes himself visible in your life the way he did in mine tonight ♥\
And with the sun setting in the garden, I find my heart full. I am so very grateful for every blessing God has given me.

A Day with My Boys

2011-07-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

With Emily out of town (at the lake with a friend) we decided to spend today focusing on Zachary. We made plans to go to Jackson, Tennessee to go see a monster truck show. Zachary loves monster trucks, I love monster trucks... He was excited, I was excited! All in all today was a blast, but it definitely had a few little downers that made the day less than perfect, but still memorable and special because we were making memories as a family. Even with the little hiccups, we never lost our smiles! Score 1 Cross Family- Score 0 Negativity

We left the house late in the afternoon... First stop the fabric store. They were having a sale and Grandma needed a few things. First downer, everything that Grandma had seen in the add and asked for, was either sold out or just not there? In any case, I was able to pull together the same color and types of fabric and I think/hope she will be pleased. Zachary was less than thrilled with this little errand, especially when I wouldn't let him have a $1 candy bar. "But Mommy, it is only one dollar!" he argued. Next stop was food. We were all so hungry. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and it was nearly 6 p.m. After driving around, fooling with my cell phone navigation, being indecisive-- Side note: Actually Zachary was totally ready to make a decision on dinner, he wanted Chik-fil-a, but Daddy didn't like that option one bit. So instead the decision was made: TGI-Fridays! I really wish that we would have went with Zac's choice. We didn't have a terrible server, but the meal was a complete disaster, well actually, the boys meal was great, mine however was well NOT! It wasn't that the food was bad, it was just the drama surrounding it that was. Let me explain: I ordered a chicken pasta, when everyone's food came, what they tried to hand me was not what I ordered. In hindsight, I wish I would have just taken that food, whatever it was and been so grateful, but I didn't. The server comes quickly to the table "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I must have put in the wrong thing!" At this point I am totally gracious, I tell the server, no big deal, it happens! 10 minutes later the manager comes to the table, to inform me they are "out of chicken," but I decide to take the next best thing option of shrimp. I was totally nice to him, he thanked me. The server came by shortly after "Can you believe the kitchen ran out of pasta?" She walked away and I was literally laughing out loud:) 10 more minutes pass, I watch what looks like my dinner walk pass me, I think to myself, oh guess that lady ordered the pasta too. Nope! Turns out they had messed up her order and then accidentally brought her my food. Back comes the server, now I am literally laughing as she looks like she wants to cry. Manager brings out my food, apologizes and says he will "make it right" on the bill. I thank him and dig in. It tasted fantastic, it had chicken, pasta and shrimp... So, I have no idea what all the drama was about! We have now been in the restaurant for WAY too long (almost 2 hours) Zac wants to go, and I am trying to hurry because at this point we are going to miss the monster truck show, oh no! I ask for the bill, I look at it and wouldn't you know it is wrong, so funny, I mean seriously. Not only had the manager not removed anything somehow my pasta was on the bill twice. Eventually, it was all fixed and I was so grateful to be leaving the restaurant.
We drive a few minutes and make it to the fairgrounds where the monster truck show was. It was very hot, humid and it smelled terrible! Luckily, we all still had a great time!!! The show was not the best, in fact, it was a little too "country" (aka very redneck-ish, lots of butt cracks and not a lot of teeth!) Jonathan made a friend, so I sat very quietly. It was hilarious, before the night was over, he would learn where this new friend worked, lived and oh yes, about the time the gentleman had fallen 17 feet out of tree/deer stand, on his head! We even saw the scar. Seriously, people, sometimes the things I see, are just too unbelievable! There was the ladies mud run through a mud hole and the fact that at the door this gentlemen says "If you want to drink cold beer you have to wear this wristband?" He then gives Jonathan one, without even checking his ID !?! Ha ha! Zachary seemed to enjoy his popcorn the most. He did watch the trucks and screamed his little heart out, but I'm not sure he could even see the monster truck action. Love that kid!!
Obviously, today wasn't perfect, but it was perfect for us! We laughed together, smiled, laughed some more and made some amazing memories! I love my boys ♥

My "Little" Slugger

2011-07-08T20:44:00.000-07:00

In the blink of an eye my little baby, boy has become a rambunctious, active, daring, little fellow! I don't know where the time has gone to, but I am so thankful for every second I get to spend with Zac. This weekend the plan is to enjoy my time making memories with my boys and I am totally looking forward to it!!! Zachary is a little upset that his sister is gone to the lake, but with plans to see monster trucks tomorrow, I think he will be just fine :) I love my boys ♥
Here are a few pictures of our Friday night fun outside tonight:

Taking a break, of sorts

2011-07-07T21:27:00.000-07:00

To be very honest I am beyond busy, tired and just plain happy! I love the idea of blogging. I love going back (sometimes years) later and reading about our adventures and remembering the sweet, sweet memories that tend to fade over time. Today, however, I am busy! Emily is leaving for the weekend, followed by cheer camp and then Louisiana... She will be home for only about two days between now and August. She is very experienced with packing so really I had little to do there. It was more the running around spending what seems like a gazillion dollars to make sure she had every, single, thing on her list. Praise the Lord it is done! What isn't finished is the hair-bows she and I are making for her squad. There are 10 girls and we are making 3 bows for each and one bow has an add-on ribbon for another day. All in all I have cut more than a football field in ribbon and burned each end with a lighter to prevent fraying and I am beat!
Oh wait, did I mention Jonathan has exams tomorrow? So in between all of the other excitement in the house we have been studying math and vocabulary. Even with all of the minutes in my day quickly flying by, I wouldn't trade my life with anyone in the world!
Here's a picture of Emily and I from just now... We definitely aren't supermodels at 11:00pm!

To my Emi Anne,
I am so excited for you! I know that you are going to have a fantastic weekend at the lake and an even more fantastic time at cheer camp! I don't know when you grew into such an awesome kid!?! I mean in my mind, sometimes, I still see you with Winnie The Pooh on your shoelaces...Where is that little girl?
I can't wait to hear all about all of your adventures, this next month, but more than that I can't wait to hear all about anything and everything that is important to you, now and ALWAYS! I love you more than I knew I could love, you have always had my heart in the palm of your hands, and I think you always will ♥
Seeing you smiling, feeling your hugs, listening to your endless words, watching you with your brother, all these things and so much more make you just about the most amazing kid I have ever known!
I love you Em!
P.S.
Dear God,
Please protect her, strengthen her and most of all make her kind and caring to everyone she meets. Keep her safe, remind her always, that even when she is farther than her parents can reach, that you are always there offering guidance and support... And help the rest of us at home not to miss her too terribly much. Thank you Lord for giving us each other~Amen

Let me {factor} the ways I love you

2011-07-06T20:47:00.001-07:00

This is the man I love, the husband, the father, the diesel mechanic and the student! We have both changed a lot over the past 8+ year, but something is always constant, always reliable and secure, it isn't love (but that is pretty constant too): it is commitment. Obviously, in terms of our relationship, commitment is present on a very literal level, but the commitment I am talking about tonight is the kind born out of lives of hard-knocks, disappointments and failures. Actually it is more like "determin-mitment!" A truly beautiful blend of determination and commitment to the greater good of each other and our lives together. Maybe a lot of relationships share this common motivating force, but this is the first love I've ever had that has helped me to reach higher and work harder.
All of these beautiful sentiments aside- I must admit that sometimes this commitment to determination is tiring! Today is one of those day... Jonathan is knee deep in factoring polynomials, solving equations, finding slopes, finding out how much money was invested, and just about every other thing imaginable. He is a trooper, really he is! He has been averaging more than 50 hours at work for weeks now. He still has time to come home, be a fantastic dad, gardener and husband! I really don't know how he does it-Wait! Yes, I do! The simple answer is he has me♥ I have done well in school because I have worked hard and I knew he was right there supporting me, especially financially. This summer, I've had a chance to return the favor. Since it doesn't seem possible to help financially lighten his load, I try to help where I can. I do everything I can for the kids, which helps keep the whole house happy, then most of all I try to teach him what math concepts I do know, and sit there with him (for hours) to figure out the ones I don't know. This isn't ideal, but it is like a dream, it is a huge, gigantic blessing that is so indescribable to me! We can sit for hours, studying something neither of us adores and even smile through the torture!
Somehow, in the middle of this crazy life, my hubby and I have found a way to work together, at EVERYTHING! I don't think there is a saying that families that factor together stay together...But it makes me smile to see him study. It makes me smile to know that I am bratty and he knows exactly why I am frustrated(like when I beg him to take notes, and he never does). He's given me tons of pep-talks along the way! Especially when I needed it most and lately I've returned the favor.
I hope Emily and Zachary see us working together. I hope they see that good relationships are built on supporting one another. I hope that I can always think of thousands of ways to count, factor, multiply or list all the ways I love my husband. Most of all, I hope and pray that God continues to bless us with peace of mind(most of the time), direction and determination where ever His plans lead us!

What the "hay"?

2011-07-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

There are moments, when I look around me and think "Where am I?" and "How did I get here?" Today I had one of those moments. The hubby asked me to go to the "Feed Store" to get hay, as in straw. The reason was simple, the garden needed it. More importantly the cantaloupe, watermelon and pumpkins needed it. In actuality, the only "fruit" on the vines at the moment are smaller than a grapes, but we are planning ahead. The last time we grew melons the side of the melon that touched dirt was really icky and sometimes even led to rotting. It was sad. This time around we are trying to protect the gentle little fruit from repeat "icky-ness."
After dinner, Zac joined us to spread the hay. It was fun, I guess. Zac really enjoyed it. After spreading all the hay, we did our daily check of the garden. Sometimes while hanging out in the garden(which occasionally even means work), I have moments when I wonder "Where am I?" It is so strange, I would NEVER have imagined raising this type of garden. It isn't like I grew up in some city where there were no gardens because I know my family did have at least one big garden growing up. However, it wasn't my idea of a good time, but now it almost is! I love seeing Zachary get so excited over the growing tomatoes and peppers, oh my! I also love knowing that I can work together with my family to produce, produce! Ha ha.
Here are a few pictures of our "hay" adventure:

My two favorite boys, working together to store the extra hay bale for later! Gosh, I sure love these guys ♥

Independence Day

2011-07-04T21:04:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture from today:

I can't pretend to enjoy explosives... not even celebratory fireworks! I don't love lighting things on fire and waiting for them to blow up! My family however, seems to really enjoy it! And I am so happy for them, as long as they keep it at arms distance.
Today didn't exactly go as planned, but when does life ever go as planned?
I am so grateful today for my freedom, for independence and for the rights I have to be free and live as I see fit.

This is my favorite poem about freedom, I really love Ralph Waldo Emerson:
A Nation’s Strength by Ralph Waldo Emerson (1904)

What makes a nation’s pillars high
And its foundations strong?
What makes it mighty to defy
The foes that round it throng?

It is not gold. Its kingdoms grand
Go down in battle shock;
Its shafts are laid on sinking sand,
Not on abiding rock.

Is it the sword? Ask the red dust
Of empires passed away;
The blood has turned their stones to rust,
Their glory to decay.

And is it pride? Ah, that bright crown
Has seemed to nations sweet;
But God has struck its luster down
In ashes at his feet.

Not gold but only men can make
A people great and strong;
Men who for truth and honor’s sake
Stand fast and suffer long.

Brave men who work while others sleep,
Who dare while others fly...
They build a nation’s pillars deep
And lift them to the sky.

Happy {almost} 4th of July!

2011-07-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

Today I complained a little on facebook: I feel terrible that so many Independence Day celebrations aren't actually on the 4th of July. Then this evening I came to a realization: Who cares? The sentiment is the same, right? We are all out there celebrating the various layers of indendence, freedom and patriotism that represent this holiday. So really, it is a win, win. The people that have to work early Tuesday were able to celebrate tonight and will have freedom from an alarm clock in the morning :)
I love my family every day, but today was truly awesome! We saw Cars 2 (also awesome!), ate dinner together, went to hang out with friends and watch fireworks! We had fun together, we laughed together and we even took a picture together:

I feel terrible for the placement of Zachary's hand....Note to self: Next year, let his Daddy hold him!
Every day is a precious gift, every holiday is better than the one before, but this holiday is especially memorable because the 4th of July was our first holiday together as a family. Way back in 2003... We had just moved to Tipton County. Emily was here for the summer and we invited the family over for a barbecue. Afterwards, we went to Munford Celebrate to watch fireworks... I am hoping we can repeat that memory tomorrow and make new memories with all four of us.
I love my family♥

My treasure-my heart-my family

2011-07-02T15:23:00.000-07:00

I love this bible verse: "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Matthew 6:21"
If someone were to ask what do I treasure most in this life, the answer would undoubtedly be my family, especially my kids! They are my favorite and most beautiful view! In them I am able to see every positive and worthwhile thing in the world. Through them I am able to see more clearly the amazing love of God, because I see the gracious way they respond to love. I know that even though I am so flawed, they love me.
I have almost had to pinch myself a few times lately because I feel so very blessed to be able to spend so much quality time with them. The pool has become one of my most treasured memories with my babies this summer. We have so much fun! I've been able to see them face fears and overcome them, which is so inspiring. Especially Zac because prior to this summer he had only been to a pool once. He has learned to jump and swim and most of all trust in me (and his sister). He has let go of his fears because he knows that someone will be there to catch him. If only, I had always felt this way... I digress! Point is these hot, summer, memories have made me so happy! I hope and pray that the kids are having as much fun as I am! More importantly, I hope they always know that they are my heart and I treasure them. They are the biggest and most amazing gifts I have ever been given!
Here is a picture of what I treasure... My beautiful babies!

One month down...One to go!

2011-07-01T14:25:00.000-07:00

We have had an incredibly full, happy and memorable June! My heart has been soaking up the precious moments of fun and excitement at every chance I get. I am hoping and praying that the kids feel the same way and will look back on this summer as a memorable time, with lots of laughs!
This is the first summer that I've actually felt like a "summer mom!" I must admit, there have been challenging moments... Having both kids home so much is sometimes difficult, mostly because they are 10 years apart. I feel a little torn because I want everything we do to be fun for both of them, but sometimes that just isn't possible. I look forward to many more summers, especially after I have an income again, which will likely me a vacation or two in the summer!
We created a list of things we wanted to do this summer and so far we are on our way to fulfilling our goals and checking off our list. This mommy had really hoped for a long weekend away this holiday weekend, but it was just not meant to be(and totally not in our budget!). Instead we have plans to visit the pool, go to the movies, barbecue, catch a firework show or two and just be a family!
After our summer last year, this year seems so above and beyond, so amazingly stress-free and wonderful! There are no paint choices, no waiting on paperwork, no giant checks to write...Just time to be a family! I am so grateful for my home and everyday I feel blessed to still be here. Even with the heat, I am loving summer because there have not been any chances of flooding in the last 30 days!
Cheers to July and all of the fun I know is in store! Here's to the the hope that I will blog everyday and give my kids something to look back on and enjoy.
Here is a fantastic summer poem:

In July by Evaleen Stein

Let us find a shady wady
Pretty little brook;
Let us have some candy handy,
And a picture book.

There all day we'll stay and play and
Never mind the heat,
While the water gleaming, streaming,
Ripples round our feet.

And we'll gather curly pearly
Mussel shells while bright
Frightened minnows darting, parting,
Scurry out of sight.

What if, what if, - heigho! my oh! -
All the "ifs" were true,
And the little fishes wishes,
Now, what would you do?

Time for an Update and the 1st Week of Summer

2011-06-01T14:43:00.000-07:00

Months have flown by and as of today we are 6 months into 2011. My blogging has totally been lacking. Actually it has been nonexistent. I really hate when I do this... I go months without blogging and feel almost sad because I know there have been so many memorable moments and I have failed to blog them. At least, as of right now, I can remember (most of) them. I am really enjoying the break from school for Emily and I and I think it is the perfect time to try and catch up on our lives on the blog!
I have decided to try and take a picture EVERY single day of our summer. Seems easy enough right? We will have to wait and see how that plan plays out...
So for now I am going to let this be a very short blog and add our first week of summer in pictures instead!

Emily's last day as a 6th Grader and our first Cheer meeting!

The storm that never was...After freaking out the ENTIRE day, this beautiful sky was the 'worst' of the storm!

My boy and his dirty face! We went to Ripley to visit "Ms. Patti & the boys" today... Our first FULL day of summer!

The 2nd day of summer vacation brought the fun of a friend sleeping over for Emily and painting bird houses for the kids!

The first Saturday of summer and a new "blow up" pool, life is good!

After church we pulled together all the necessary components for a garden and went to work!

Memorial Day: We celebrated by heading to lunch at Chili's and a little shopping in Memphis. Great day!

Tuesday:Zachary's first trip to the Ripley Pool: He had a blast. It was HOT and even with a million applications of sunscreen we are all a little crispy(burned)! Emily had her second friend over for a sleepover. Thursday begins cheer practice, hope she's ready!

Totally, uneventful Wednesday! After all the fun we have been having I have to ruin it with a few days of studying... I have all of our best interests in mind, of course!

Reaffirming Faith

2011-02-25T06:38:00.001-08:00

Every week at church the priest says "Please stand as we reaffirm our faith.." This morning, although I am not at church, I feel the need to reconnect to God's presence. It is no doubt that when I feel a tug to reconnect my Heavenly Father, He is no doubt missing me just as much. Have you ever felt like life has been lost in the million teensy tiny details? That is precisely how I feel this morning. I haven't stopped praying or believing, I have just lost my focus... I hate that once I allow negativity and lies straight from the devil into my life, it is so easy to lose my hope, love and joy! I know that God never fails, I know that His love and mercies are forever there if I reach for them, but when I welcome despair rather than continually seek His face, I begin almost instantly to see darkness closing in around me. So what do I do? I know that I have to chose to stand firm in faith, rather than crumble into a pile of brokenness. I have to stop listening to the lies... I have to open my Bible and when I randomly opened it this morning my fingers began turning the pages of Jeremiah, not a mere coincidence. As I read, these words speak to my wandering human heart: "But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence" Jeremiah 17:7 NLT.

A very wise and Godly friend told me when I called to share my woes that the best way to refocus on God is to focus on loving others. What a beautiful reminder of what our faith really is about... It is about loving others, it isn't about me, it isn't about how I feel, it is about seeking God's will and obeying his commandments to love others. I needed that reminder, God knew it, which is why I felt I HAD to call that particular friend this morning!

I am not sure why I feel so certain I need to post this blog this morning, but I am not going to get lost in questions! Instead I am going to express my human failings and say that I so often fall short of what God wants of me. I could go on and on about my failings,but I won't because I know as I sit here and ask for God's grace, I feel that I am forgiven. The biggest blessing is I know He isn't finished with me and with a refocusing of my faith and a realigning with God's purpose for my every moment, I know that blessings are in store.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for always reaching for me. Thank you for hearing my pleas for forgiveness and giving me grace to move forward with my eyes solely focused on you. I need you today and everyday! I want to be who you want me to be. I pray that you would quiet the lies. I ask that you would help me see your hand in every aspect of life. Be present with me today, give me comfort where it is needed, but most of all convict me and break me of all of the things that distance me from you! Thank you for all you have given me. Please help me use it all and my life to glorify You. ~Amen

Failure

2011-01-20T18:11:00.001-08:00

My attempt to blog everyday in January as of yesterday became a big fat FAILURE! However, I didn't even realize that I had forgotten, nor do I really feel that bad about failing. This is unusual for me. For the most part if I am not successful at something I feel extremely terrible and kick myself around for awhile!
I am really hoping that this new found acceptance of less than perfection does not carry over into schoolwork, but in other areas of life this acceptance could be very freeing... We will see.
In any case, rather than stop blogging for the month I think I will jump right back in the saddle and try this ride again. Since yesterday was a failure, I am devoting this blog to failure. Most people think of failure as the opposite of success, but according to wikipedia this is the: Criteria for failure-The criteria for failure are heavily dependent on context of use, and may be relative to a particular observer or belief system. A situation considered to be a failure by one might be considered a success by another, particularly in cases of direct competition or a zero-sum game. Similarly, the degree of success or failure in a situation may be differently viewed by distinct observers or participants, such that a situation that one considers to be a failure, another might consider to be a success, a qualified success or a neutral situation. So what exactly does that all mean? To me what it is saying is, failure like nearly everything in life is relative. In my life, I have also seen the way any failure can be used by God to actually improve your life, provided you find a way to simply get over it!
I think I will now list my top three failures, not so much because I love admitting to whoever is reading this that I am in fact FAR from perfect, but instead because someday I hope my children read this and understand this fact: Life comes with consequences, when poor choices are made there are also long lasting ripple effects called guilt and (for me) self-loathing.
Here they are, in no particular order:
Dropping out of high school-I don't think this really needs an explanation, if you don't finish school you have a lot stacked against you. The bigger picture is though, don't let someone else's poor choices determine the course of your future.
Staying in relationships with people I didn't truly love for too long- Again, no real explanation needed. If you don't love someone, if you can't see yourself with them forever... Simply walk away. Delaying the inevitable, prolonging a relationship for the sake of "working it out" isn't necessary when you are young and with someone that is not compatible with you.
Working at a "job" that was detrimental to my health and wellbeing just to make a dollar- I've done this more than once. Why? I truly don't know. Maybe because I LOVE to work, but in any case it is really a horrible idea to work just for the sake of working. I think that a negative workplace can draw you into a vortex of awful things that are not healthy nor truly profitable. A good job won't cost you your self-worth, your personal happiness, nor should it make you question right and wrong, If a job doesn't jive with your moral conscience, it is time to move on plain and simple.
That is all for tonight. Who knows maybe my failure yesterday will end up being a really fabulous thing! It is really too soon to tell :)

What love "looks" like

2011-01-18T10:24:00.000-08:00

According to wikipedia "The adage 'A picture is worth a thousand words' refers to the idea that a complex idea can be conveyed with just a single still image". Because I love photography, I often see in a still frame, things that others may miss. I feel lucky, that somehow my eyes see so much more than just people and things. I adore looking at a photograph and seeing emotions, not just seeing them, but somehow feeling the emotions.
In November, my friend and photog Echo Day welcomed the challenge of photographing the Cross family. We met at Trinity Episcopal Church in Mason, TN. It was unseasonably chilly outside, but luckily we had chosen to wear coats, so the frozen hail/sleet still hanging around in the shady spots wasn't a big deal! The old church has arches and architectural elements that were just perfect. In my mind, I had an idea of what I wanted our family pictures to look like, what ended up coming to fruition was nothing near what I expected and I am so glad because the pictures are in my opinion really breathtaking!
I force my family to take pictures often! Usually they aren't really that on board, especially Zachary and Jonathan, but for some reason, this time they were in rare form and really cooperative. I will take a second to point to the fact that Zac loves Ms. Echo, so this likely helped him to feel comfortable with her(Way to be awesome Echo!). In any case, we posed for pictures, we played, laughed and smiled real, true smiles and thank God Echo was there to capture it all on film!!!!
If you are a mommy, you will likely understand the happiness, pride and love I feel when I look at these beautiful images. If not, I am so sorry because it is a really outstanding feeling! I know that I will look at these images for a gazillion years and remember with so much love and admiration the effort Echo put capturing our "good side" and I will be forever indebted to her for sharing her talent with my family!
To my family, all three of you are my ♥! I don't know how to put into words how much I love you! I look at these pictures and I see my every dream come true. I don't know where our lives will lead us, but I do know that my love for you grows by leaps and bounds every single day!! I am so proud that I can be called your mom, and your wife(respectively of course). Your smiles, bring unexplainable happiness to my soul. You all hold me together, you are the sunshine on my cloudiest days and I am so very grateful that I can see all of this happiness in a photograph(thank you Echo)!My heart is overflowing because I know that these fleeting moments in our lives have been forever frozen in time in each of these beautiful images!

Life is about making a contribution

2011-01-17T14:34:00.000-08:00

Today is always a continuation of yesterday and our yesterdays become part of the legacy we live and also the legacy we leave behind. For me, as I move closer and closer to my goal of becoming a teacher and as my children mature the importance of living a legacy worth leaving behind gains more and more importance. All across America, students are out of school today, mail sits unsorted and undelivered, banks are closed, Wall Street isn't open, but what for? I think for the first time in my life, I truly understand why it is necessary to honor a man who fought hard to live a legacy and inspire others to begin living a legacy as well. Martin Luther King Jr. is famed by so many and yet as I googled to find an image to put in my blog, it appears he is loathed and despised as well, but thankfully not in my heart, and especially not on this blog.
So let me try my best to put into words a day that will always be very special in my heart...
A local church has a yearly celebration honoring Martin Luther King Jr. I have wanted to go, even thought about going to the National Civil Rights Museum on the day that is set aside as a federal holiday to honor so much more than just a man, but to honor his message and his dreams of equality. A few of us from St. Matthew's decided to attend and I am so very thankful that I was able to share this event with such great companions.
If you've never been to my little town, and especially if you've grown up in a culturally diverse place like I did, it is hard to imagine a place where racism, ignorance and injustice still rears its ugly head on a regular basis. For all of the wonderful things my community has to offer, for all of the things I love about living here, there are moments when I have to remember who I am and how I truly feel about people.There are moments in my time here that I have experienced racism and seen how destructive and separating it feels to be looked at as an outsider. You might be wondering, how do I feel? This is it, in the most simplistic way I know to explain, what I know in my heart to be true: We are all humans, we are all born into this world for a purpose, we all need each other and no matter how hard people try to divide, we are all more united and alike than any of us understand. We are all God's children! You see after years of living here, I am just beginning to unravel and gain understanding into the complexity that is race relations presently and historically in this region and in my community. I say all of this not to downplay the awesomeness of this day, but instead to explain how deeply I feel connected to the plight of all people who experience injustice and how important I feel it is to reach out to others regardless of color, religion or any other thing that some may use to divide humanity!
Now let me get on to the service... I had no expectations, I go into every new experience with an open heart and a mind that longs to understand and connect with people around me. That being said, today's service was in many ways more amazing and beautiful than I can really give credit to, but I will try:
Music has a way of making me feel things I could never even think of feeling. When I heard the first song, a song that I had heard growing up(my family, especially my dad has a thing for gospel, he loved Mahalia Jackson) I felt a sweet connection to my early years. Every other selection that was performed was equally beautiful! Talented gentlemen from the Smith Grove Male Chorus serenaded us with gospel songs that had lyrics that were both inspiring and beautiful!
There were speakers who talked about the history of Martin Luther King Day observance in this area. Following the speakers was a sermon. Here are a couple of statements that I found so memorable that I quickly scribbled them down as Rev. Derrick Rozell spoke(these may or may not be verbatim, just in case anyone wants to grade me for accuracy, I may be wrong):
"God can take a circumstance and turn it around before you even know what is happening!"
"Life is about making a contribution."
"We've missed the boat by not living out what Dr. King taught. We haven't helped ourselves!"
"When God gives you the ability to do something don't waste it!"
"Seeing you here today gives me hope."
The beginning of the service also had a touching litany, read by a cute young boy. He read it clearly and without fear, which is something I can't do when I read in church :) My favorite part of the litany was this: "May the deep love that Dr. King had for all people be released in us, that we might work miracles in the lives of those who continue to hate."
In the South no celebration is complete without a feast and the members of Collins Chapel CME definitely outdid themselves! I ate a delicious turkey barbecue sandwich and sweet southern spaghetti, so yummy! It was nice to be welcomed, I felt truly honored to be taking part in something that remembered the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. and was inspiring people to be better tomorrow than they are today!
Coincidentally, I had never been to a Christian Methodist Episcopal Church (CME) and didn't know the history that created this denomination. I asked Fr. Ryan our priest at St. Matthew's as we ate lunch and was intrigued so I googled it when I came home. I find it remarkable and coincidental that I am just today learning about the denomination that came about during the freedom movement.
I am truly inspired today. I have a new understanding of my own shortcomings when it comes to reaching out in my community and have been inspired to do more and live a life worthy of a lasting legacy that can in some way be valued by future generations.

Joy Unexpected

2011-01-16T16:14:00.000-08:00

There are moments in life, when unexpected happiness or joy enters and any worry or complaint simply vanishes. Today has been a day full of moments like that for me. There are so many reasons, some that wouldn't make sense if I tried to explain them, so I won't, but I will try and explain at least three.
Sunday is church day for us, no real news flash there! For me and the family that usually means a day of fun and family. I truly love Sunday routines. We have time to laugh together, eat together and just simply be happy together. I know that we are all blessed to share these days together and I try my very best to treasure them. Today started out as an ordinary Sunday at church, the kids and I organized the Sunday School room, while John went to his book study. Then before the morning Eucharist service began we were just hanging around and "it" happened, my first unexpected moment of pure joy! Right before my eyes were new faces, not just new faces, but new little people faces. These little people could join us in our Sunday School because Echo had an amazing lesson planned and I knew it was something to be proud to share(which amazingly was also the topic of the lesson) This may not seem like a reason to be so joyful, but maybe if I back up a little it will. Less than two years ago our family didn't go to church. Emily and I began going to church and their wasn't really anything like the children's church that I grew up loving. To be honest there still isn't, but with the small size of our congregation what we have come up with is amazing and I feel blessed that God has used all of us to bring something together in a short amount of time. In any case, since September when we (there are 4 teachers) began a rotation there have been quite a few conversations about growth of the program(and the congregation in general), each time I have literally thought of the movie "Field of Dreams" and possibly even said, "If we build it they will come." I have also prayed just about a gazillion times that St. Matthews would be a place of refuge and become home to more young families. I don't know if the family we met today will ever come again, but what I do know is seeing their faces and knowing we could truly welcome their little people made my heart full. You see on any given Sunday their may only be 15 members in a service, today in sunday school alone their were 13 children and that was an answer to my prayers and a joy to my heart!
Next there was lunch at La Huazteca, I know you're already thinking food=joy, not so fast... It wasn't the food, ok, maybe it was a little bit my awesome enchilada :) My family was truly perfect company today! You know if you have young children that eating out can sometimes be a chore, but not for us, not today. Everyone seemed to really be enjoying each other. The employees know us well, we eat their often. As we are sitting enjoying the food and conversation, the employees are constantly coming by our table to joke with Zac(I think his red hair must bring him attention LOL). Zachary responds with the 4 spanish words he knows, and we all laugh! Tada, here it is another moment of pure joy, possibly out of my love for all things Mexican, including Spanish, I don't really know, all I know is I felt myself really smile and feel truly happy.
And now, as I sit here in my living room the place where I imagined months ago would become a cozy refuge perfect for studying(when we redesigning after the flood) has finally become just what I imagined. Zac is napping and Emily is reading in her room. The hubby and I are sitting in silence, he is knee deep in grammar and I am feeling an unexpected sense of joy and fulfillment. Maybe days are like this all the time for some people, but for me happiness if everyday, but this level of pure joy are more few and so very meaningful!
I realize after looking up to review this blog that this all may seem confusing, random and maybe even a little silly. In my heart however, there is so much meaning, feeling and love behind my description of today. If you've read this far...Thank you! Let me end this by saying, unexpected joy isn't always visible, for me today I was given the gift of so much joy so many times because I somehow had the blessing today of eyes to see things in a new perspective. Maybe, life is wanting to reveal similar things to you, my hope is you can smile as big as I have today!

I'd rather be reading

2011-01-15T18:31:00.000-08:00

It is no news flash- I love to read! Right now I am about 70 pages into Three Cups of Tea, as well as about 150 pages into the Bible. I will say that I am a two days behind on my read the Bible in 90 days. The reading plan that I am on with the Bible does allow for 2 "grace" days, so I just might take them. Last weekend I also became two days behind, but made up the required readings on Monday. In any case after a day of running errands, being a mom & wife, I would really like to just crawl under my covers and read. I believe that I will do just that as soon as I finish my obligation to blog for today.
Lately, I have been having some annoying health issues, which has me a little grumpier and less active than normal. I am hoping that with a few lifestyle and dietary changes I will be back to normal in no time! For now, I am grateful that my family hasn't sent me packing!
I have to admit that at this moment I am chuckling to myself that on a Saturday night, I am blogging about nothing because well that is all I can think of and dreaming of laying in my bed a reading a book. Yes, my friends, I have achieved a new level of boring. I am not all that sorry though, life is good, I am happy, I am loved and I want to go read my books!!!
Maybe tomorrow will provide me with an awesome muse to captivate my blogging imagination/creativity, but since today has nearly come and gone and I haven't thought of anything this will just have to do.

Dreaming of the Ocean

2011-01-14T19:49:00.001-08:00

I nearly forgot to blog again today! Yikes! I may need to set a reminder alarm on my phone because this seems to be a pattern. I just got off the phone with my dad in Oregon and realized the depth of how much I truly miss my family. It is bittersweet to hear their voices and reminisce about our Vacation this past May(2010), it brings both a smile to my face and makes me so very sad. It is harder at some times than others to be so far away. I decided I would blog about our vacation to concentrate my memories on the happiness that my family brings to my life, even if our times together are few...
We had the vacation planned prior to the flood. After the flood part of me wanted to cancel and not go anywhere, but once I realized that we were technically not at home anyway, we might as well enjoy some time away. This trip would be Zac's first time on an airplane, and even though I was really apprehensive about a two year old on a plane, he was amazing. We had planned the time so that both of my dad's would be able to meet up and we could all spend some time together. This is probably one of the best plans and memories I've ever made. We had a lot of fun eating, shopping, eating, laughing, going on dune buggy adventures and eating. Yes, it is true when I am on vacation I love to eat. On the west coast, I take full advantage of every chance I can to eat all the seafood I can. The weather cooperated and we were able to go to a car show, a parade, a carnival and I am sure a lot of other things I can't think of at the moment. The kids were extremely well behaved. I slept for the first time in weeks, my dad's house is no where near a flood zone, but there is the risk of tsunamis, which didn't effect my sleep at all. I got to spend some quality time with my step-mom(s) (each dad has a wife) and my littlest sister! I really miss her :(
I think the best part of the trip for me was watching my parents interact with Zachary. He loves them and had fun getting to know them.
Here are a few pictures from the trip:

I can't wait until I can see another sunset over the Pacific!

It is never too late

2011-01-13T12:40:00.000-08:00

Today marks the beginning of a new era in our household! Today, we go from a one student in our house to two! How fun? I am not unrealistic, I know what this will mean. I realize that stress and chaos will now enter our home on a totally new level, but I also know that I've set the bar pretty high and my husband is very competitive, ha ha! I am proud of my family. I know that we will succeed because we have no fear of failure. Ok, truth be told, I fear failure often, but I am also a whole lot more confident in my abilities than I was a few years ago and know that anything is possible with enough hard work. We've wrestled with when would be the "perfect" time for Jonathan to go back to school and he came to the conclusion that the time is now! I couldn't be more elated. We may not have a lot of time and we definitely don't have a lot of money, but what we do have is drive and you cannot put a price tag on that! My most earnest prayer is that the kids watch us, that we truly set a good example and give them the "work hard, it pays off" attitude. I truly believe that attitude has so much to do with how successful a person is. Attitude can turn even the worst situation into something worth smiling about. I may need to be reminded of this come "finals week," but maybe not, maybe just maybe, we will handle this new school challenge with the same ease we've handled so many other things.
In all I have to do today, this is the best this blog is going to get. I've had a wonderful day filled with school, friends, bookstores and this evening will be showing the hubby the ropes for online courses, parent teacher conferences and basketball games, that is on top of the usual dinner, baths and bedtime routine. I stole this moment to myself because I didn't want neglect my blog post, but really this is a haphazard, sorry excuse, but for all intents and purposes this is in fact a blog :)
I will finish this blog with one of my favorite quotes:
“The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense.” Thomas Edison

Checking off the list

2011-01-12T13:29:00.000-08:00

As I pointed out yesterday it is always a wonderful feeling to be checking goals, jobs, duties or even groceries off your list! In my resolution post I laid out my plan for the year. Tomorrow school is back in session for me and with that will come a new range of crazy and demanding things that will require my attention. I know however that if I don't keep the list in the forefront of my mind it will be quickly tossed to the side and I will be sad come 1-1-12!
This week I made it a goal to concentrate on at least one or two of my goals. Yesterday the family and I painted. This time we used oil paint, which was more difficult and messy than I expected. It was however really enjoyable and memorable. I think that I will enjoy acrylic and watercolor more because in my opinion they are more easy to use, but I'm not an artist so what do I know? Here are out attempts at artwork. Emily had a moment after her E painting, she dissolved into a puddle of weepiness and disgust. It was sad, but it was a definite teachable moment! She didn't like it, she wasn't happy, she wanted to throw it away... I said NO WAY Jose! I sat a little closer and explained, sometimes things in life aren't ideal, kind of like how she feels about this painting. Then I told her without a clear vision, plan or dream it is nearly impossible to be satisfied with anything we do. So it was back to the beginning for her: This time I made her describe to me(with eyes closed) what she wanted to see on her canvas. She said she wanted to paint an underwater scene, she explained each animal and plant and then she got to work! When she was finished she was so happy, so proud and content with what she had created. Hopefully, this lesson will resurface to her again and again until she understands there is always a bigger picture(no pun intended, ok maybe a little one LOL)!

This is Jonathan's painting that he says is something, but I don't know what? He also said it is unfinished...

This is my first oil painting. I have an obsession with trees!

This is Emily's E that she was very disappointed in :(

This is her Underwater Scene (As she called it). She is very proud of this and I am very proud of her for using her imagination to think of something and then bring it into the real, tangible world! Way to go baby
girl!

This is Zachary's Stripe-y Day! He had a lot of fun and used his imagination to make the world with stripes, at least that what he said. He also told his sister her E painting was a masterpiece ♥
Another of my goals is to write poetry. I don't have time to practice a sonnet or anything like that today, but here is a 2 minute(As in I gave myself two minutes to think about and write it) Haiku. Haiku's are often about weather or seasons so it seemed fitting to give this freezing day it's glory.The high today was a frigid 25 degrees!

Thank you frigid cold
Reminding me of all I have
My love provides warmth

Getting back on track...

2011-01-11T11:56:00.000-08:00

So every year it is fun to set off on a journey with lofty goals... The not so fun part is falling flat on your face and realizing you haven't come anywhere close to meeting your goals. This year, my goals feel attainable for me. I don't have a fear of not meeting them, in fact, I think I have a sort of excitement that is spurring me on towards the best year possible!
It is always difficult for me to stay on track! I start out so strong and then I am quickly derailed by anything that seems more interesting or offers an easier way to get through the day. That part of myself has really got to go! It makes me sad, it annoys me, it makes me less than I want to be and I know that this year will be different because I am slowly winning this battle of wills. It is probably safe to say that all of us have certain aspects of our personalities that we wish would vanish: messiness, disorganization, laziness, stubbornness and being unhealthy are mine! YUCK! What a list, I am really focusing a lot more effort on my shortcomings lately because I notice when I am at my best so are my kids(and hubby too), when I let these icky parts of me take over it is a recipe for disaster. Hence my plan for getting back on track--

We now have a Control Center, right in the corner of the kitchen/dining room. I've planned menus for the week and lost them, I mean how is that even possible. With the help of some "self-help" reading and a few dollars at Wal-Mart I think I have solved this problem! We now have one central place to put our events(though nothing besides dinners have made it on the calendar yet), meals and other info. The hope is that with this info all readily available and easily accessible some of the stress will be eliminated. I'd say adding organization and losing stress is a perfect combo for me!

My next step is not really a step at all it is kind of an ongoing process. All of the things you see in the picture have been helpful in motivating me to get on track. With the right amount of consistency and dedication, I think I can actually manage this process.
I've read Confident Parenting by Jim Burns, but I have felt the need to keep reading and rereading certain parts. Maybe all parents struggle with confidence, I don't know, for me though sometimes the lack of enthusiasm and confidence can become almost overwhelming, which is why I love and recommend this book. I'd let you borrow mine,but I think it is necessary I keep reading it :) I've decided to keep a parenting book by my side(and read whenever time permits) to help me stay motivated in being the best mom I can be and also to help me stay more intune and have better understanding of my kids. So I bought and am reading Boys by William Beausay II. I find this book inspiring and helpful for me to see how I can be a better, more playful, and carefree mom, which is always a plus. I have a short list of books I plan to read next to help me relate to my almost teenager and how to raise strong, independent kids.
For Christmas, my hubby bought me a new bible. It was a very unexpected and thoughtful gift. I decided since he went out of his comfort zone to buy me this type of present I would step out of mine and really use it. My very advantageous plan is to read the Bible cover to cover in 90 days. I am 16 days in and feel confident I will reach my goal. Besides, the obvious good that reading the Bible can do, my daily readings have helped to focus me and in turn helped me to stay on track. Emi and I will also be reading the One Year Mother Daughter Devo by Dannah Gresh and Janet Mylin. When Emily and I started this last fall, I found that in a matter of 15 minutes a day we were able to relate to one another better and I had more patience, love and affection for her. I'd say that is a winning combo for any mom, let alone an evil step-mom LOL!
I read How Not To Be a Messie by Sandra Felton and have found this book incredibly useful and if all goes as planned life changing. There are easily adaptable and helpful ways of organizing your life so that the "mess" doesn't have to win. I have made a "flipper" for each of the kids,myself and one for the household things, such as menus and spring cleaning type things. I put all of our day to day chores and routine in our flippers so we can mark of our accomplishments and so I don't have to nag! I bought $1 photo books and put a picture on the front to help us know whose is whose(I had Emily pick the pictures and help with organizing the books). Then inside the books are all of the things that need to be done so we can enjoy our time off on the weekends! I have also decided to use the notebook and the box. The box hasn't actually been completed yet, but it seems as though it will build as I add things to it. I know none of this makes sense to you if you haven't read the book, but if you click on her website or google it I think you will see what I mean.
Finally, the last two parts of my success hinge on quality time spent with my family and time to be free of requirements and just relax. I think these two parts work together.
Cheers to me and my big goals! I hope in a few months I can update this post and say what has worked or not worked and how it has helped give me control and kept me on track...

Note to self: Always charge your batteries

2011-01-10T15:31:00.000-08:00

The title is really inspired by a dead battery in my camera on the first snow day of 2011, but really it applies to health too! Maybe God gives us snow days in life to relax and recharge our batteries. Luckily, Emily's camera was ready and able to (kind of) capture our memories!
Today has been a really awesome reminder of how blessed I am-First of all I live in a place where it snows!!! And I love snow, well, I love our snow! The snow here is just right in my opinion. We get a few inches, maybe a foot once in a while, but NEVER feet of snow(like when I lived in Indianapolis, yuck!). For the most part when it snows we don't have to go anywhere, we can stay home safe and warm. The snow days when Emily is able to stay home and laze around in her pajamas are some of my favorite memories. I especially love days like today when the hubby is able to stay home too.
He isn't really a fan of snow, except maybe to ride around on the 4-wheeler, but today he actually hung around to watch us throw a few snowballs and enjoy ourselves. He also made chili, and I can't wait to eat it for dinner.
My children are the most amazing blessing I have ever received. I mean really. I would enjoy the snow even if they weren't here, but with them the snow, and life in general takes on a special kind of awesome that only other mom's will understand :)
I've had a lazy day of playing, relaxing, reading and reflecting on how blessed I am, which in my opinion is the perfect way to recharge my batteries.
Here are a few pictures from our day-

Zac picks up the biggest hunk of snow he can manage and tosses it at his Sissy...

As you can see by her expression she wasn't so happy about it!

I ♥ my home, but especially the people in it!

I know I am guilty of about 500 fashion offenses, but at least I was warm :) Emily insisted I wear the Saints hat her great-grandma made her. It was so comfy!

I love this girl!

I love this boy!

Glimpse into the future

2011-01-09T17:22:00.000-08:00

I love the feeling of anticipation,all kinds of surprises, expectations fulfilled and most of all goals accomplished. Considering the quick rate at which time is flying by in my life, I know that before I know it I will be left alone in a classroom with 20+ students-And I can't wait! The anticipation and excitement sometimes forces me into daydreams about what I hope my classroom looks like and feels like.
I have decided recently that each semester from now until I finish student teaching I will add to "my future classroom" little by little. I have no idea where I will teach, or what grade, so I will have to be openminded and creative in my small collection. When I am buying I have to be careful to only get things that could be useful in any classroom. This focuses my heart on what is ahead of me: I am not unrealistic, I know the good, bad and ugly about teaching. I have observed, listened and understand that many challenges await me. I also know that for the first time in my life I have a dream that keeps me up at night, my heart speeds up with excitement when I am in front of a classroom and my heart truly feels joy when I watch a student succeed--So I will take the next year and a half to build my dream and my collection.
Here is the first picture of my collection:

I know that to many my little collection is nothing to write about, but to me it is the tangible bits of hope and excitement that keep me going! I can't wait to have my own classroom!!

We will see

2011-01-08T18:48:00.000-08:00

Today has been really an amazingly wonderful day! Most days are, but today is remarkably just what I needed. We slept in, which is always so nice. Then we took the kids for a day of fun at the grandparent's and headed to Memphis to shop and eat. I needed to mark "buy textbooks" off of my to-do list. Whew, finally that is done. That was not exactly a highpoint of the day because, well, it is just so expensive. It was fun though because I was able to tell myself only 3 more times after today and I will be done buying textbooks. Now that Jonathan is stepping into college vortex he will no doubt be buying textbooks, but at least I won't feel so stressed each time I see the total. Oh who am I kidding? Yes I will or maybe I won't-- We will see! I digress, that is not the extent of our day. After dropping so major dough at the bookstore, we headed for lunch. We were totally unsure where to eat, then we passed Huey's, turned around and decided to eat lunch there. Super awesome food, almost not so awesome service, but then the server totally made a complete 180 and redeemed the situation. As a person who once waited tables, I knew this wasn't an issue of carelessness, but I was still really thirsty and needed a refill, ha ha! In any case the atmosphere was so fun and my burger was soooo good. The server was very honest about being really busy and made every effort to make sure we were happy, total win, win. Not to mention spending time with just my husband at a meal was really nice. We were able to have an uninterrupted adult conversation. Those are really nice sometimes, who knew? I hope we have times like these more often in 2011, but --We will see! After lunch we headed to Whole Foods. I LOVE these types of stores! I wish we had one closer. I miss shopping at Trader Joe's. Due to some weird issues I have been having with pain(muscular) I am taking a step back and looking really closely at what I am putting into my body. Poor kids...Yesterday as I was doing some internet research about my health issues I found an article about the danger of cereal for kids, especially. Yikes! So this led to a long conversation with Jonathan about how we're really failing at treating our bodies like the "temples" they are meant to be, which led to a late night, cozy in bed, not sure what we really mean- vow to change some things--We will see! That brought us to whole foods. I am going to keep a food journal and systematically remove things from my diet that have been known to effect muscles and cause pain issues. We will see where this goes... before the house flooded we had become very conscientious about our overall health, but we completely dropped that ball. Yuck! I feel confident however, that we will redeem the situation!
After leaving Whole Foods, we were headed home, but not before a quick stop at our favorite bookstore and a Starbucks treat(another thing I really miss). Jonathan bought a new book, and I bought two. I have been reading so much on this school break. I am hoping I can keep it up once school is back in session-- We will see.
Then it was time to retrieve the children. Ends up we only came home with the littlest one. We are going to end the day with a movie and I am baking for a church potluck tomorrow. I am really looking forward to it by the way. I feel so incredibly blessed. This week has been extremely challenging, but is really ending on a high note! Oh wait I forgot to mention, we are currently looking forward to snow!!! I can't wait, to see snow--We will see!

Flash Back Friday

2011-01-07T11:43:00.000-08:00

I am doing a really terrible job at getting creative with this Nablopomo challenge. I don't know what is the deal, but I can't seem to find the inspiration I normally do. In any case, I committed to doing this and I plan to complete my goal. So here are a few pictures and an excerpt from our "First Snow Day of 2010." Which was coincidentally one year ago today. I am hoping that Monday is this years first snow day, but we will see...

To be honest I have no idea why school was canceled, but I hope when I am finally a teacher the same type of luck comes my way! So if you are wondering what we did today? The answer is easy, nothing and everything. These are the BEST types of days in my opinion.
Although there was not enough snow for us to go out and play in, we had fun cleaning the house, dancing, playing, watching movies and of course eating.

You will have to excuse the fact that the kids stayed in their pajamas the entire day. Zachary did actually change once and Emily wore about 50 different pairs of pajamas. As for me, I never got dressed either, I did take a shower, but never even put on makeup! Yes, these types of days are worth living for!!!!

Here are a few silly pics and a video from the first snow day of 2010! I sure hope this isn't the BEST snow of the year. I would be sadly disappointed.

'Cause the flag still stands for freedom

2011-01-06T15:24:00.000-08:00

In this little town, there isn't really much to look at. So when people make minor changes to buildings or in this instance place giant 20 feet tall flag poles with American flags on them, it is impossible to miss. Some time in 2010 a man who lives really close to me decided to bring back something he felt was missing in our little town, pride and respect for the flag. I'm not always supportive of American government. I know I am not alone, but at the same time I have found in recent years that having admiration for history and the sacrifices others have made is important to me. I've never actually watched Glenn Beck before this episode, but it is a really neat story(it begins about 8:54).

Anyhow, I have been asking the hubby to contact Mr. Baker and see about getting a flag for our yard, so that I can teach my children to be grateful for the sacrifices our soldiers are making.Teaching children I have found is always easier with visuals, not to mention I think it would look really awesome in our huge front yard. So far he hasn't followed through with my plan, but our wonderful neighbors must have read my mind. When we were driving up after church on Sunday right across from our driveway is this beautiful reflection and representation of so many things that I hope to teach my children to treasure just like I do! On the heels of yesterday's post and the fact that someone we love has made the decision to join an armed force, to take an oath and protect our freedom, and leave this tiny little place, I think that seeing this flag now has more meaning. We've begun saying a little prayer in the car when we leave the house, asking for protection and comfort for our soldiers, but most of all for peace and freedom!

What's on my mind?

2011-01-05T21:16:00.000-08:00

Today wasn't exceptionally busy, but somehow I neglected not only to think of a blog topic, but also nearly forgot to blog all together.

Wednesday is my second favorite day of the week, following closely behind Sunday. Why you ask? Well, it is the day that my Tennessee bestie comes for dinner. We have been doing it for at least a few months now, I don't know when it actually began, certainly after the flood, but I think it actually started when we were still living in our "Summer Home." In any case, that isn't what matters the point is I love that she comes over and eats with us once a week. She's cooked a time or two as well, which is fun and I love watching her, thinking how lucky I am to have such a wonderful friend. I know that lots of people have GREAT friends, I mean duh that is why everyone is always calling people their bff's, but I don't think many people are nearly as blessed as I am. I have friends, plural that make my days bright and help me to carry on when the days aren't so bright. This blog however will be more directed at my Tennessee bestie. Here are just a few reasons why I love her:
On my birthday this year, she was the only person that made me feel like a princess(which is what I like on my birthday, weird, usually I am not that kind of girl, but on my day all normal is tossed out the window, LOL)! She baked me a cake, she took me to lunch, she bought me my only present(I did receive presents after and cards too).
When Zachary was born she was the first visitor when we came home, even before we came home she walked up and down the hall at the hospital when he was in the nursery(and I hadn't seen him) she was snapping pictures and coming back to show them to me. At all of our birthdays she makes us feel special.She is really remarkable with my kids. She has a true talent at party planning and hosting. I am not very good at that, but she helps me all the time. She has been my study partner, my prayer partner and my closest confidant, especially after I was laid off. She helped me find my pride and remember who I was. And I can't forget she threw me a baby shower, with the help of her beautiful Mommy. Wow, I have to be careful now that I am getting started on her family... I don't know where I would be without them. They have made my holidays in Tennessee so amazing and the memories made laughing and eating with them, especially at Thanksgiving are truly a blessing I can't describe. She is always there when I need her, in fact recently when I fell down some stairs, she was the first person I called. She happened to be in Memphis, but she was still the first person I thought to call. I mean who has a friend who is that reliable, that wonderful that you think of her first(before your husband) to get you out of a jam!
So I've seen her get through some tough stuff(her strength is amazing)! I've seen her tear up, and cry a time or two, but today was a little different. Her baby brother just left for basic training for the Air Force, and she is missing him already. When she was talking about him today, I could see she was really, really sad. Luckily, she didn't really break down, because I definitely would have joined her. In fact, at this moment I am so teary I can barely see. My family isn't close like hers is. I have a little bit of jealousy, wishing I could have grown up knowing that kind of love in a family, but I feel blessed just knowing them! Thanks to their example I have something to aim for with my own kids. Not to mention, they love me and my family and I know that and feel it often! I know it isn't my baby brother that has just left on this awesome adventure, but my heart aches knowing he is far from home and they are all no doubt missing his clever wit and silly laughter!
So that is what is on my mind tonight. I am thinking of a friend, who I couldn't live without. I am thinking about how much I love her and treasure the fact that I know she loves all of us. I am sad because her family is changing, but I am also really excited because soon my pseudo family will have a new place to vacation(where ever he ends up being stationed)! I love you Ebess and I will always treasure every single thing about you and your entire family♥

It's a jolly holiday with Zacy

2011-01-04T11:22:00.000-08:00

Cue the Mary Poppins soundtrack, change a few words, dub in Zacy over a few words and ta da, it is my new favorite song! Ok, so maybe not my favorite song, but seriously this kid "makes your heart so light," "when Zacy holds your hand, you feel so grand," "No wonder that it is Zacy that we love."
Today is Emily's first day of school for this year, so Zac and I are all alone. Not that today has been tough, not in the least, in fact it has been completely awesome!We've laughed, played and even had lunch together. Now, it is time for my little jolly guy to take a nap and so far no objections. Yes, this is the life!
Sharing time with my little Zac makes my heart so happy! I can't remember what life was like before him. I am sure most mom's feel that way. Time flies, he is growing right before my eyes. Today, I realized he can eat really ALL by himself(minus a few important manners, that still need to be learned). I mean obviously I knew that, but we rarely eat lunch at the table together, but today we did. It was actually fun! He ate his pancake and apples, while I ate my apples and chicken breast. We had an actual conversation, when did he become such a conversationalist: He reported on the fish falling out of the sky(it is actually birds falling out of the sky and fish turning up dead, but he only heard the fish & sky part of the newscast obviously), he shared with me the reason why Daddy says bad words(because he uses his tools), he told me that apple skin is really gross and needs lotion, and finally he said "No napkin! Syrup is too good to toss in the garbage!"
I am so fortunate to share this time with my little guy. I treasure my moments as a mom and know that before long he will be too big and won't want to eat lunch with me, but until that day comes I will gloriously enjoy my "jolly holiday with Zacy!"

Our first FAMILY road trip!

2011-01-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

From pretty much the moment Jonathan and I met, we knew that road trips would be some of our favorite times together. When we met I had the lingering awesomeness of my CA to TN trip to share with him and he had equally awesome stories from his days in the Marines... Two weeks after we met I drove with him to take Emily back to her Mom. It was one of my favorite days with him. We talked about everything under the sun, I can still remember laughing at road signs like Yazoo County and Duck Hill. It was an experience that I will never forget, it is a 492 mile, 8 hour plus drive that has brought me more enjoyment than I ever thought possible on a long car ride with no real destination. I digress, let me get off my trip down memory lane and get back to this trip the point of the blog!
So it was December, Emily's birthday was quickly approaching and ideas for her party were not panning out, then her Dad came up with a GREAT idea: We could drive to Louisiana and ask her Mom to host a surprise party for her with all her family! I made the call, got the ball rolling and before I knew it we were packed up, ready to go, except the kids were still warm and cozy in their beds--

With the kids loaded into the car, blankies and pillows included, we were on our way. We left at 5 a.m. the plan was to have the kids sleep in the car, and it totally worked. We made an obligatory stop, at the first rest stop in Louisiana because Zachary had never been this far south. In hindsight it would have been cool to do the same thing in Mississppi because we don't have any pictures to prove we travelled through the state, but then again Mississippi is only an hour away and we have all been there before.
Then we made it to New Orleans and literally drove around. Emily was being highly impatient, not that I blame her. She wanted to get to her Mom's, but we were a little early. Doh! I thought that we would have to make a LOT of stops, turns out, we made less than usual and made it to N.O. in record time. Could be the lead foot driver, but I can't be certain :)
So here is the random picture I took of Canal Street--
Notice the beads? I guess they just stay there all year.
Then we headed towards Emily's surprise party... On the way there a Louisiana cousin made a phone call that nearly ruined the surprise, which I found hilarious!
We stopped at a local seafood restaurant, with a "Warning Alligators!" sign that I somehow took a video of instead of a picture. Doh, again!!! Emily had really had it with us by this point, she didn't want to make anymore stops, she was annoyed and wanted the world to know...
Finally, we made it! Surprise party time!!!

And then... IT happened! Possibly the worst moment and experience of my life as a Mommy... Emily walks in and yells "The cops have ZAC!" Ok so, not that I know exactly what happened, but long story short, Zac was in the "fenced" backyard(that incidentally didn't have gates on the sides, how in the world did I miss that??? I will never know, but I also know I will be much more observant next time), wandered into the front yard, across a street, down the street about 6 houses and was "found" by a sweet Grandma who called the police to help find his parents! YIKES!! My world stopped for a second, how could I let this happen? How could I be so careless? How could this be happening to me, the girl who gets made fun of all too often for being overprotective with her kids? How can I be walking down a street followed by a police car to retrieve my son???? The police were more than kind! They explained how often this sort of thing happens, not making me feel any better let me add. I walked in this strangers home, accompanied by my husband who I knew was feeling equally as crappy as I was. I hugged that woman like I don't hug people I've known all my life! I've never been more grateful, that woman was an angel and I've said lots of prayers hoping God would bless her since! Zachary seemed a little upset, not frantic like I had imagined as we'd walked down the street. He was holding a toy gun, which I still find comical(even though I didn't really laugh about it at the time). The kind police officers asked Zachary who we were and he said his "Dad and Momma!" Then we gave them our information and walked back to the party. I was kind of feeling like I wanted to barf and as we walked back I told the hubby I was ready to go, NOW and I wanted to go home tonight! Luckily, he talked me into going to his friends that he had met 18 years ago when he was a Marine. They had come to visit with us at the party and we followed them to their house on the Gulf Coast.
I had great plans of getting Emily's Louisiana family posed for pictures and then a few with her and all her siblings, sadly the whole "Zachary Incident" derailed my brain and I needed to be in a locked car with my boys pronto! After about 45 minutes and some tears, and my hubby telling me I wasn't the loser I was feeling like, I regained some of my composure. We had a WONDERFUL night in Waveland, MS. It was fun to see Jonathan with an old friend, laughing and reminiscing.
Then Sunday morning came and it was time to head home...We made a quick stop at the "beach" to pick up a few shells and make a memory with my boys--

Then we hopped back in my favorite car and we were "on the road again."
We had an adventure that I hadn't expected and made more memories then I ever intended. I truly treasure these times with my family and I can't wait until we have another road trip!

What a difference 8 months makes!

2011-01-02T18:15:00.000-08:00

Eight months and 1 day ago, we were just realizing the extent of damage and losses we had sustained when historic rainfall led to dirty water taking our home as a temporary hostage. The water quickly subsided, yet some residual effects from that day still remain. Today, the memories linger, the fears sometimes are more than I can bear(thankfully God's love and grace steps in when I want to freak out), and the debt will be around for years, but I wouldn't change a thing! Ok, so maybe I have moments when I wish that things could be the way they were just before the flood, but those moments are rare and the long lasting positive outcomes from that day are far more important and valuable to me than anything that was lost.
We found peace, happiness and strength when everything that was "normal" in our lives temporarily changed. Sometimes, I think back on that morning with the thought that, it wasn't even that big of a deal, I've known many people that have endured true heartbreak and that day wasn't like that for us. Logically in other moments I realize we faced some pretty tough circumstances and we handled them in a way that makes me proud and grateful beyond explanation.
My kids still talk about the "flood." That makes me worry a little more than I should because I don't want my children to feel unsafe in our home. There is no way as a mom to plan for everything, a morning like May 1st, 2010 doesn't happen everyday and for that I am so freaking thankful! The amazing thing is the way that the circumstances that could have played out either negatively or positively have totally turned our lives in new positive directions. Here are just a few ways our life has changed positively in 8 months:
We all go to church together every Sunday--I don't know how this happened. It is an answer to a prayer I had for a LONG time, but after the flood for whatever reason we've all found strength and joy in our little church with the red doors.
We are more grateful for our belongings-- This plays out differently for each of us, but on a daily basis I see how even the littlest of us are careful and thankful for our things because we know they could be lost...
We are closer--We all have a different level of connection and closeness. I can't explain this, but it makes my heart full on a regular basis.
We (well Jonathan and I) are more focused on gaining different types of valuables :)--I'd say we have both always been realistic, but since the flood we are more focused on goals and living in a way that wouldn't change even if we were to lose every monetary possession.
We pray together more-- I am not sure if I ever prayed out loud for the family, with all of us present, but I did that morning and have many times since.
We LOVE our home-- Even on the rainy days when I find the house a little less peaceful than other days, I am so thankful for these walls! I think that we are all so thankful for the return of familiarity. When we first moved back in, everything was new and a little weird, but now it feels like home again. There are nicks in the walls, stains in the carpet and dents in the appliances, just like home :)
I don't know if I really have a point to this blog... I think it is going to take a few days to get back in the swing of thinking of a blog post so that it isn't just a random collection of my thoughts and feelings. In any case, this is my 2nd blog post of 2011 and with these words I have fulfilled my goal of blogging for today! I love my family and I am so thankful for everyday we spend together!

1-1-11

2011-01-01T18:20:00.000-08:00

Last year blogging everyday in January worked well for me, so I am attempting the same Nablopomo challenge as I did last year. I am hopeful that the posts will be fun to read years in the future.
In last years post I reflected on the prior year's resolutions and how well I had done at achieving those goals. This year I am going to post a few of the newer goals and maybe one year from now I will look back and be just as successful. A girl can dream!
Goals are what keep me going. It is more than safe to say that I am goal oriented! I make lists of tasks and goals on a regular basis because it helps me to keep myself focused(truthfully, I am never REALLY focused, but lists do help).
These are my resolutions for 2011:
1.)Keep the house clean--I really need to work on being a better housekeeper. The goal is to have a house that is suitable for guests without the guests having to give me 24hr notice.
2.) Invite people over for fun, food and friendship--Since moving back in I've realized that I LOVE having people over so in 2011 my goal is to have friends over at least once a month.
3.)Start memory books for both kids--I want to create small journals where I put into quick memories or pictures. I think it would be fun to give to them someday.
4.)Go on Vacation--No explanation necessary!
5.)Lose some weight, be more physically fit--No explanation necessary!
6.) Read through the Bible cover to cover--I've already started and plan to have this goal completed by March 27th.
7.) Volunteer more--Not sure how, where, or when, but hopefully God will open the doors and show me where I need to be and when.
8.) Be more scheduled and organized--I am not sure how this goal is meant to be accomplished, but I am currently reading "self-help" books on this subject, so we will see.
9.) Create a prayer corner somewhere in my house--I've always wanted a little corner with a bean bag or some other type of comfy pillow. A place where I can go and quiet the world.
10.) Help my hubby get started on his way towards a college degree--No explanation necessary!
11.) Organize our pictures--I have digital photos here, there and everywhere and I really need to find a better way of preserving the memories for the kids.
12.) Write a good poem--I've had a thing for poetry the past year or so. I would really like to write a poem that is worth keeping this year.
13.) Do something spontaneous--I have NO idea how this resolution will be resolved, but I hope it is!
14.) Schedule regular dates with each of the kids and especially the hubby--No explanation necessary!
15.) Make 3 paintings-- I would really like to create a watercolor, acrylic and oil painting this year.
As always I still have these goals:
1.) Be a better wife, mom and friend.
2.) Pray more, work harder on a closer relationship with God
3.) Read more, learn all I can
4.) Give 100% at everything I do
5.) Finish what I start
6.) Be more thoughtful and remind people I love how much they mean to me
7.) Be more grateful for all I have been given in life
That is it! Those are my goals for this year. I hope next year I will be able to scratch all of them off of my list. We will see...

Why wait to dream?

2010-12-15T20:58:00.001-08:00

It has been nearly 7 days since I turned 31. This year's birthday has been a little odd. It kind of came and went without me feeling overly joyous about it. Until today, all of the sudden I feel incredibly thankful to be alive! That is rare for me to take so long to warm up to the birthday happiness. I'm a big birthday lover, not a party lover, but a birthday lover. There is a huge difference. I love the idea of celebrating life, of making someone feel like they are king or queen for a day, building smile on top of smile and making a person feel like they are something truly amazing. I love other people's birthdays just as much as my own for all the same reasons.

This birthday may be different, because well, this whole year has been different. In fact, different might be putting it mildly. Challenging may actually be a more appropriate word, but challenging makes it sound like a negative year, which it hasn't been so I will just stick with different! In any case, the truly joyous thing about being 31 is I feel like I finally see amazing things visible in me, and a few wrinkles, but who cares! When I look at myself I see a person with faith, determination, credibility, substance, momentum, happiness love and most of all depth. Then I have to wonder do other people ask themselves the same questions I do: Why did I wait so long to dream? Why did I lose so many years trying to live for other people? Why did I not listen to that still small voice, instead of the monsters in my face? I imagine most people do. Maybe not the exact same questions because all of our stories are a little different, but nonetheless we all at one point or another were probably really waiting for some direction, some joy and some peace knowing we were making the right choices.

So here my friends is a not so short summary of things I wish someone would have told me when I was 18 to well whenever I started seeing things as I do now (ha ha):
Don't wait to dream!- I think people probably told me this in one way or another. I may have been too focused on the current moment to really look far enough ahead to dream, but I didn't focus on a positive future for a lot of years, which ended up being a lot of heartache. Maybe it is the silent prayers that become answered that makes the fruition of a dream so amazing, or maybe it is the sheer happiness of seeing a dream come true, whatever the reasoning the point is if you don't dream big, often and reach for those dreams, there is NO way they can come true!
Hold on to what truly matters, but let go if holding on is holding you back!- Someone may have told me this too, but obviously I didn't get it. I wonder what my life would have been like if I didn't hold on to so many negative things. As a mom, I have learned I can't be an octopus, I don't have 8 arms, I can't hold on to every single one of the kids toys, my books and coffee at one time! Seems easy enough mommy friends you know what happens, you spill coffee, trip, fall, it ends in a mess! Why did I think for so long that emotions were any different? If I allowed myself to hold on to EVERY negative emotion, how on earth did I expect to find happiness. On the crappy days I probably forgot about happiness altogether, but now looking back that was dumb! Letting go would have freed me up for so much more.
Reach out, even if people look at you like you are crazy! Another easy enough lesson, I was raised with the bible and good examples of what it meant to be a "good" person.You know helping the less fortunate, opening doors, smiling at a stranger, etc. I've even got 300+ facebook friends to prove I reach out. Yet, until this year I have totally missed the mark, at least in my own heart. So this year I was awarded a scholarship, go me, right? Not so fast... The scholarship requires that I do 150 hours of community service. Some may have taken that requirement lightly, not me, nope, instead guess what, I found a sense of fullfillment and a new dream! I want to grow up and be a philanthropist! I want to spend more of my time giving than taking. For now though I will just settle on reaching out, in whatever way I feel led to. BIG difference from me a year or two ago. I was afraid maybe of what others would think, now I don't care, I just want to love others because that makes my heart full! Reaching out doesn't have to be some huge strategically planned event (Maybe that would work though, I just haven't had the time). What I found most rewarding this year has been the quiet moments when no one was looking. I have loved on people without fear of them rejecting me, that is a lesson I should've learned reading the Gospels when I was little, but maybe I wasn't paying attention. That is what I feel is the legacy Jesus left, a selfless love coupled with grace and forgiveness. I think for the rest of my years I will work harder than I ever thought possible to make up for all my selfish years!
Admit when you feel God failed you- This the biggest and the last lesson for me lately. I think I am still just on the edge of understanding. As a card carrying Christian for most of my life, I have had this unreal expectation of what my life would be when I was really living, maybe holding out for the day when one circumstance or another would make me understand why I experienced true pain and loneliness since I was old enough to feel. In my educated mind, I know God did not fail me, the humans around me may have, but in my heart I held onto a huge part reserved for the day when I could admit that something inside me was really hurting and I blamed God. Truth is God always knew, he understood my heartache, and maybe a time or two when I let people in far enough to see that I was hurting and I had felt like an orphan in a sea of people, but I didn't let go. Then one day somewhere along the way I figured something out, maybe I'm not alone maybe other people have had prayers go unanswered and lived through things that aren't worth writing in this blog, because I know we all hurt! With that realization came grace for me. I don't have great relationships with my family, I miss that, I want some things in my life to be more or less than what they are, but in the end what really changed was I am honest with God and most of all honest with myself. Once I admitted to the fact that I didn't thing this or that was fair, or didn't understand why God would allow me to hurt like this, I found grace big enough to handle all that I felt and so much more, my life really changed. Silly me God already knew, I mean duh!
I have big dreams these days, big dreams that I commit to again and again, every morning, when the day starts and the house is still quiet, I ask God to make me who he wants me to be. I am not sure where this 31st year will take me, I am hoping and praying that floods and sickness can stick to this year and not make it into 2011, but regardless of where I am in another year one thing is certain: I am truly living a dream and I am so thankful that the good Lord has thought enough of me to leave me here for the last 30 years to screw up, learn, but most of all to love because that is where my joy has been found!

Almost a teenager?

2010-12-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

It really doesn't seem possible! I mean somebody may have to pinch me... I can remember being in 6th grade. I remember what clothes I wore, who I liked, who I didn't like may be more apropos of that era of my life(and Emily's too), I remember getting in trouble, being obsessed with my handwriting and kissing a boy, because really I think I did that when I was 12 or 13. To be honest, I do have a lot of memories, but they have all become a little blurred over the years. I can't believe Emily is now 12! This is her last year before entering the teenage years. You know the ones that every parent dreads? Not me of course, I mean I NEVER do what everyone else does. I even like 6th graders, I mean most of them in general are just catching on to life,in fact I wouldn't even mind teaching them someday(see that God, that is an almost unspoken prayer, but I know you are listening)...Enough about me! The amazing fact is Emily is another year older today and I am full of shock and awe! She is so amazingly beautiful and inspiring. Without further ado here is a letter to my birthday girl:
My dearest princess Emily Anne,
Sometimes I look at you and really wonder where has all the time gone? Remember when we used to paint birdhouses and watch Dora or Powerpuff girls? Then there were all those years where you loved Cheetah Girls and Hannah Montana, but now you are almost a real grown-up!Whatever that means, sometimes I am shocked that somebody let me become a grownup It is so weird, you aren't a baby anymore, part of me is sad because I know you are growing up so fast, but really I know that you have the best years of life ahead of you. So I won't be too sad.
I know that soon you may hate me, not really hate me, just hate the fact that I(or your Daddy) get in the way of your big plans. I am ok with that. I know that it is more important for you to be safe and happy in the long term, even if that means missing a party or time with friends. I hope that you always know how much I love you. I hope that we always have those moments in the car or in my bathroom while I am getting ready, you know the moments where it is just me and you and we TALK, really talk. You tell me about all the girls that are jerks,,, Oh and by the way there will be a lot of them, but keep your head held high and ignore them!!!! I can't wait to help you pick out special outfits that you hope that special boy will notice :)
Emi, I don't know how I got to be so lucky! I never dreamed I'd have such an amazing kid. I know that you can do anything your heart desires and I will do my best to foot the bill, err I mean be your biggest fan! Ha ha! Really, I am your fan, I love you and will always love, even when you become a teenager!
Happy Birthday Babygirl, don't forget no matter how old you get, or how big you think you are, you will ALWAYS be my one and only babygirl!
Love,
Your Christa

Fact or Fiction

2010-11-18T06:23:00.000-08:00

Beginning today I plan to post for the next 7 days about gratitude. Thanksgiving can easily be categorized in my life as my favorite "holiday!" I love Thanksgiving because of what it has represented in my life, based on what I learned about the first Thanksgiving. The best and worst part about being a grown-up is fact and fiction rear their ugly heads and complicate the simplicity of "truths" we learn as children.
On Monday, my favorite Professor this semester brought up the reality that many of us were raised learning partially untrue and fictional recollections of historical events. She mentioned the book "Lies My Teacher's Told Me,"I hope to read it soon. In any case, our classroom discussion brought me not to a feeling of distrust or a questioning about the factual basis of the first Thanksgiving, but instead made me desire to teach my children the "moral of the story."
I am a firm believer in gratitude, community and generosity. The story of the first Thanksgiving, as I learned it, is full of these important themes. In no way do I support the stereotypes or biases that have been perpetuated by the way the story of the "First Thanksgiving" have been passed down throughout history. I do, however, see that practicing acceptance of outsiders, sitting down to share a meal with newcomers, making friends and sharing in the work as well as harvests in life can be rewarding and bring meaning to our lives.
Today, I am thankful for the ability to explore fact and fiction in my life! I am also truly grateful that I have a permanent "grain of salt" on which to challenge every lessoned learned.
In one week, I will be celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. In the next 7 days I will talk with my kids about the same stories I have heard for the past 30 years. I will concentrate on the themes that I feel are most important in the stories and hope that in their hearts grows a love for gratitude, community and generosity!

Happy 3rd Birthday!

2010-11-12T20:44:00.001-08:00

They say time flies when you are having fun... I'd say in that case, the last three years have been nothing but fun! I love being Zachary's mommy! To be honest that is an understatement, there are really no words to describe the joy that he has brought to all of our lives, especially mine!
Here's a birthday letter for my birthday boy:
To my dear, sweet,(not so little anymore) baby boy,
You are truly my ray of sunshine! I don't know how I became so blessed to have you for a son, but I love every minute we spend together.
They say that two is terrible, but if this last year was a terrible age, I can't wait to experience the rest of your years with you. You are such a sweet, sweet boy, you are loving and kind and most of all hilarious! You love books, animals and your family! Which I really love. You cry if your sister forgets to say good-bye in the morning. I hope that you two always stay this close, she loves you and protects you and you obviously feel the same way. Here's proof: Sissy has to have 2 fillings, Daddy was giving her a hard time about how much it might hurt and you became really angry and yelled at Daddy. You didn't want anything to hurt your sister. You told Daddy "Nobody hurts my sissy!"
You have the silliest obsession with "dog-oyotes!" It is like a cross between a dog and a coyote, at least that is what you tell me everyday. You love to watch National Geographic and PBS. You also like to watch cartoons, especially Tom and Jerry!
Zachary, I can't remember life before you were here. I know how blessed we are to share every single moment of every single day with your sweet redheaded hilarity!
I hope that you always know how much you are loved♥ My life was so empty before your smile, little country accent and tight squeeze came to be.
I love you sweet boy!
Happy Birthday Zachary, your Mommy loves you to the moon and back, don't you forget it!

Remembering the Laughter

2010-09-11T05:52:00.000-07:00

So it was August 26th, I'd spent most of the day alone, in silence, cleaning the empty house we were preparing to move back into the following day. My phone went off breaking the silence. As I read the message my heart stopped. One of my closest friends from high school had died that morning. I burst into tears! There was no one there and I was really able to feel the loss. I don't think I have stopped feeling the loss since. Today, my dear friend will be laid to rest. What a horrible thing for her family and friends to endure, she was only 30. There is part of me that feels so terrible that I will not be there to simply hug her Mom! Times like this it is so hard to be away from home.

This blog is dedicated to Valerie Inez Bartholomew, who in life and death is one of the best friends I have ever known.

Let me rewind back to the year of 1994. I had just graduated 8th grade. The prospects of high school were looming in the near future and I had NO idea what I was in for. I went to uniform day at Pomona Catholic. This is the first day I remember Valerie. Her laughter was/is truly unforgettable. We were in line, she was two people in front of me. Looking back now, I am really lucky for this chance meeting because Valerie wasn't always the type to "like" people, but for some reason that day she decided my eyeliner looked good. And she told me. You see, back in those days, I was all about the liners...eyeliner and lipliner of course. I grew up in South Ontario can you blame me? In any case, thank God for my good looking eyeliner, that day.
When school started that September to my surprise Valerie was in a couple of my classes, none more wonderful than our Physical Science class. I can't even remember the teacher, but I remember Val laughing and making fun of people. Ok, so that may not have been really nice, but man was she funny!!!
Val and I were an unlikely pair. Or maybe I just saw it that way? Val was all about toughness(that's a nice way of me saying she liked to fight), I on the other hand well, I don't know what I was all about, but even then toughness didn't really suit me. This is where Val's presence in my life made all the difference in the world. She taught me how to respect myself, and how especially important it is to demand that of other people.
When I stopped going to P.C. our friendship stayed strong. It even grew deeper, I think. Val was the first person to say she needed me. I don't recall now what the circumstances were, but I realize now looking back being needed changed me. I became the kind of friend I am today because Val taught me that there is NOTHING that a friend won't do to let another friend know they are loved.
So about Val, she was constantly moving. She couldn't be still. While driving in the car she would shake her leg, it moved the entire car. My Mom would always laugh at Val. She was so funny, clever and quick-witted. Valerie showed no fear, for anyone or anything 98% of the time. Except the one time we were driving, ok I was driving and we were exiting off the freeway to go to her house. I was driving my parents Ford Taurus station wagon, I hit a giant orange cone and did what she called a "360." In my defense it was more like a 190(a little more than 180 degree circle). We spun around. She screamed as the car came to a stop "What the hell are you doing? You could've killed me!" And we laughed... Val's life was full to the brim with craziness and risks, but she never let it go that I nearly killed us.
She has a hugger and a crier. Sometimes in that order or simultaneously. We were teenage girls always crying about something or another. I think she cried more often than I did, but I can't be certain of that.
She had the most amazing dimples. When she laughed or smiled her dimples were contagious. I didn't have dimples, but I wanted some when I saw her smile. That's the thing about Val, she was so deep, so totally over the top at times, but so so so incredibly happy when she let herself laugh!
I experienced a lot of things with Val. I won't share all of that because my horrible driving skills is incriminating enough! Most of all I experienced true friendship. The kind that creates bonds that won't change, even now that her physical presence can't be felt. I will always cherish those young years of friendship with Val. Even more remarkable is how our friendship developed in two something amazing as "grown-ups."
When I saw Val's sister-in-law on facebook, I knew she could find Val for me. And she did! (Thanks Jess-times a million). We talked for hours the first "reuniting" conversation. I must admit, we had both changed a LOT, but two things hadn't: I still loved her and she loved me! I guess maybe three things were the same because I could still make her laugh until she was in need of her inhaler!

Today, Valerie's family and friends will gather to say goodbye. Obviously, I am 1800+ miles away and can't be there, but here in my corner of the world and where ever I go, today and forever: I will be thinking of you, Val...remembering the laughter!
Here is "Our" song from way back in 1995!

To my Val,
You will always be the "Best thing that ever happened" to me! Thank you for teaching me to stand up for myself! Thank you for always loving me, just as I am! Thank you for showing me how to be a FOREVER friend.
I love you Val, my heart breaks because I can't hear you laugh again, but I have a GREAT imagination and I will remember you forever. My prayer is you are laughing with angels today! I will miss you friend...

Passing Cars

2010-08-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

I decided to sit down and do a family update of sorts. Instead I am feeling the inspiration to write a different sort of blog all together.
Let me start by saying I've been sick. The sickness might be why I am feeling incredibly reflective and not so in the mood to ramble about how adorable my family is. They are still totally adorable and hilarious, but I kind of feel like writing about life, the nitty-gritty stuff that happens beneath the surface, the moments that happen just as quickly and often as two passing cars on the road.
The last few years have been challenging to say the least. I often wonder why God feels I am so strong. I have moved past the me of my teenage years that thought that God was punishing me with tough consequences because of how I had behaved or the choices I had made. Silly me, now I get it: God wasn't punishing me at all, he was instead preparing me for what laid ahead, he was conditioning me for the journey that he had planned for me.
This brings me to a point that is unmistakable to me lately: There is a God!
I know that many people struggle with God's relevance, their place in His world, the many questions, but mainly we all struggle with the F word. I am talking about the 5 letter word that is almost as dirty in some circles as the 4 letter word is in others. I was listening to the radio yesterday and heard a song I had never heard before. It was by an artist I didn't even really know John Waller. The song is called Faith is Living. I'm not going to post the lyrics, like a usually do, but here they are if you need them. The overwhelming feeling that came over me while I listened to the song was this: I am living this wonderful life because I am living by faith! Someone could argue my life is less like a dream and more like a nightmare, but to me, this is a dream. All of my silent prayers as a child have been answered, the girl who feel in love with her Savior when she was in high school is now living by faith because God waited for her. He waited because he loves me, regardless of how hard or far I ran, the more unlovable I became, the more he sought me!
Let me rewind a little. For the people that know me as a wife and mom, you're lucky! I wasn't always this person, I wasn't always loving. In fact, people close to me called me the "Ice Princess." Although admitting that years later still stings and hurts a little, there was truth to it. They weren't far off, it was a fitting nickname, it suited who I was at that time. I wasn't living life, at that time in my life I was just a spectator watching life like someone watches passing cars. You can see and hear the cars and the people in them, but their is no real interaction. I was truly cold inside. I had made choices that had me angry with God. I gave up on seeing life through faith. I wanted things my way! For years, I was very successful, I got all I wanted and what I truly deserved. A lot of heartache, and pain. This is why I feel I need to write this blog. Life for me hasn't always been sunshine and rainbows. I have always had strained familial relationship, I've never really fit it, I've been poor. I have struggled with just about everything, but then there is me, the real me, the true me, the child of God who knows with out a doubt I am loved beyond my understanding.
The point of that little rewind is to say that faith isn't something that finds us. It is a journey that requires that we search with our whole being. It required me to look in the mirror and let go of so many things, I had to stop sitting on the sidelines watching cars pass me by. I had to get out of my circumstances and find myself a bible, I had to get on my knees and I had to search! I don't have a lot of answers, I kind of quit trying to find answers now actually, that is what this part of my faith journey right now, it is just living!
I have to also admit that I have searched in a lot of places. I've read so many books. I read Eat, Pray, Love and The Secret, faith grew, but I was still searching. I've read books about Hinduism, Judaism and Islam. At the time all I knew was I was empty. I was in need of something, I knew something was missing. In the end all of my "research" brought me back to the heart of the truth I had learned when I was in high school. I had to live by faith. I began to cultivate friendships with people that God brought into my life to challenge and inspire me. I found a church. It wasn't what people recommended or expected for me, but it was what God knew I needed!
Now as I begin to see myself and my life through the eyes of faith, I am humbled and grateful. This isn't my life, this isn't what I've built, this is me a faulty human being living the gift of the life God has so perfectly designed for me.
If you feel that something is missing, let me assure you it is! Even when I am living well sometimes I still feel a pang of guilt for things that I could be doing and simply need to be doing, but I'm not doing. Instead of reaching out sometimes, even in the good times I let people pass by in their cars. I don't reach out, I don't help the broken down cars, I don't try to repair them with the gifts God has blessed me with. Instead often I have just been a passing car. That's the newest part of my journey, I am truly trying to give up my control. I asked God for his help and he has not disappointed. This year he has blessed me with a journey that has helped me relate to the heart of Jesus. I have big dreams, but they are not my dreams. They are God's dreams for my life. I know that without a doubt because faith has found me and I am living in the moment by moment revelation that this is exactly where I am supposed to be and I am who God created me to be.
I want to move past the feeling of being a passing car on the endless highway of life. I want more than anything to find a busload of people who share my faith and God's dreams and find the cars on the roads that need direction, not from us, but through us. I feel certain this is where I am meant to be.
I know my worth here on Earth is irrelevant, I am working on building a legacy. God longs to be the Father, and friend he was, is and always will be. Maybe it's your time to stop trying to figure it out. Maybe your car is ready to take a break from passing cars and begin a journey of something totally different. Faith is living. Are you alive?

Disclaimer: If you watch my life, I will fail. I will sin. I will fall short of God's perfection, but I am a firm believer in Grace. If you disagree with me, I will understand and love you anyways. This blog isn't posted to make you feel guilty, but if it does that is likely God trying to reach you.
Somebody is supposed to read this. I know this for a fact because God asked me to trust him in faith and post it!

92 Days

2010-07-31T19:24:00.000-07:00

Today is one of those days that will last longer than the calendar month. If that makes no sense, let me explain. Do you ever have days that make you feel happy to be alive? Days when there is only sunshine? The kind of day that seems that everyone loves you and life is fabulous? Well, today is one of those days for me! I woke up before the sun. I mean literally we had to be somewhere at 6:30am! That may be almost normal for some people, but for us Saturday mornings rarely start before 9am.
In any case, the day was good. We accomplished more before noon then we usually do in an entire weekend. We helped package meals for Haiti. It was the first time as a couple that John and I truly planned to do something for other people. There have been times when I have done things, or when he has helped save damsels in distress, but this is our first time working together!
It is also the day before we reach our official 3rd month mark since the flood. Wow! What a wild 92 days it has been. We have laughed, I have cried, but we have made it! I feel accomplished and I feel proud of my family! We have faced a lot of tough moments and somehow here we are at day 92 with some of our sanity intact.
I have been busy this month and haven't blogged. I regret that slightly, but I have also been living a crazy life and blogging just didn't make the cut.
What has happened this month:
Emily went to cheer camp! She left us for 4 days and survived. She faced huge challenges for a kid her age and conquered them! She spent a few weeks here there and everywhere.
Zachary has become a talker. In fact, he is difficult to stop. He can spell his name and use right-handed scissors(he's a lefty).
Jonathan has somehow survived the scorching heat without air conditioning in his work truck. He has been traveling approximately 1200 miles a week on top of working, all in tempuratures over 95 degrees without air conditioning. Oh and did I mention we have humidity?
What have I done? Who knows? I feel like I am in some weird holding pattern, like an alternate reality. I have done some good. In fact, I have completed 1 University course and am working on my second. I have also driven more miles than I EVER have before.
Life is good. We are blessed. I am amazed at God's faithfulness.
Tomorrow we will celebrate the 3rd first of the month since our lives changed. Rather than looking back at May 1st with doubt, confusion and sadness, I think we will celebrate August 1st. Emily is coming home, she will be starting 6th grade in the next week and above all God has truly provided all of our needs!!!

Tick tock, tick tock

2010-07-10T17:05:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I am really shocked by how quickly time flies. I have had a great week and really wanted to blog quite a few times, but haven't. I have 4 blog ideas that I really want to write, but so far I literally haven't had a chance.
Here it is Saturday evening and I am trying to recall all that took place in the last 7 days and I just can't! Maybe I am really getting old. No surely that is not the issue. It must just be that my family and life in general is really busy right now. Yeah, that must me the reason!
I am going to flash back to last Sunday. I can't let another day go by without a blog about Zac's first in theater movie experience.
It was the 4th of July, I was feeling a little gloomy. That seems to happen around any holiday. In any case, the boys and I decided the perfect way to celebrate our Independence was go see Toy Story 3. I went to church and then came home to get the boys for our movie date. We planned on NOT seeing the movie in 3D, but that didn't end up happening. We stopped for a quick bite to eat and headed to the theater.
Zac was very excited. He wore his 3D glasses, he thought they were the coolest thing ever! Remarkably Zac sat for the entire movie. I throughly enjoyed the plot and animation. We splurged and bought a popcorn and coke to share. That was a huge hit for both of the boys. I had been putting off Zac's first trip to the movies because I was fearful it would not go well. You know how you hear kids screaming and crying? I was fearful that could be "my" kid. Luckily, it wasn't he was fabulous and we will be going to see more movies from now on.
I have to share a few pictures I took to commemorate my baby boys first trip to the movies. I am constantly amazed at how quickly he has grown. He is so much fun and has truly added so much to all of our lives. I really love my boys!

Continuation

2010-07-05T07:29:00.000-07:00

I had every intention of finishing my "To be Continued" blog on July 1st. Then I really made an effort to do it the next 4 days. That didn't happen either. So here we are on the 5th. I guess the old saying "better late than never" is a good one in this case. It has been a busy start to July. Not that I mind busy. It just means a lot to do and not a lot of time to blog. I even thought about doing a back to back Nablopomo challenge, but the hubby didn't really like that idea... So I didn't.
Blogging is really something I enjoy. When I blog regularly it isn't stressful for me it is therapeutic. When I don't blog, I miss it.
Let me continue the blog that was left incomplete on June 30th:
Emily is a budding artist. Digital cameras have really given people a chance to try their hand at photographing everything and anything they want. At least that is true in our house. When we were at St. Matthew's barbecue she was "bored." Really she is bored even when she is being entertained. I think it is just a phase or something. At least I hope so because she will be a difficult wife someday if she doesn't outgrow the "I'm BORED" attitude. Ha ha! I told her not to be bore! Instead go around the church and take pictures of things she found intriguing or cool. So she was off. It bought me time to be able to hang out and have adult conversations. It was a win, win really!
Here are a few of her discoveries. I really love her. Her creativity and eye for beauty make me smile. I really miss her when she isn't here! Thank goodness it is only a week this time.

To be continued...

2010-06-30T21:07:00.000-07:00

I am more then ready to say farewell to June. I am a little sad that my NOW Nablopomo challenge is nearly complete. It is always fun to accomplish my goals. Whether it be 30 consecutive days of blogging or huge milestone with the kids.
This month has been so challenging. I had to face a lot of tough days, but I faced them with smiles and positivity. All in all, I have realized how incredibly blessed I am. I have an amazing family and we can make it through anything, together!
Tonight was a fabulous way to say farewell to this month. We had a barbecue at church. There was amazing food and a lot of laughter. I could almost see the bonds of friendship growing. My church has been truly a Godsend for me. I could not have planned a better fit for my family and I. Obviously, God knew because it shows in the many ways the church and its members have enriched our lives.
The day is winding down. I have two very exhausted children asleep in their beds. I have a husband who is feeling the love for the people at St. Matthews, which is nice, usually it is just me.
The house now shows the first signs of repair. I find it quite fitting that the first signs of repairs are visible now, today before June has ended. I needed that. I prayed that by the two month mark there would be some signs of hope and there really, truly is!
My camera has really took a turn for the worst. I was asked to take pictures tonight and it didn't go as planned. What was neat though was I let Emily be "artistic" with my camera that is stuck in the macro mode. I wanted to share some of the pictures, but I can't get them to upload.
So on second thought, I since I won't be able to share the pictures because my computer won't cooperate. My next plan is to post them later.
Instead I will just have to leave this post "unfinished" until tomorrow. To be continued..

I'm not perfect, but I love you!

2010-06-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

I came across this quote today and it struck a chord(no pun intended) with me.

Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.- Michael Levine

One of the most challenging times for me as a parent was when a not so bright attorney asked me (in front of a judge) "Are you sure you know how to parent a 5 year old? How will you know what to do?" Um, seriously, that was a strange moment. My response was easy, I asked him how does any mom know what to do at any given moment? I also told him I didn't fear my abilities as a parent or any other role in my life for that matter. I knew then and still know I will love my kids every minute of every day. I will pray that I do the best I can for them, give them the best of me and provide them with shelter over their heads and a safe place to fall when they screw up! That experience on the stand taught me a lot about what kind of parent I would be. It sounds a little silly, but having someone question my abilities and aptitude for something I feel I was born to do was exactly what I needed to build a confidence that has never diminished.
Although my confidence hasn't suffered, my abilities at certain moments has! I do not always know what to do. I have read books. I have asked for advice and I have prayed a lot! Sometimes parenting is exactly like regular life, you have to learn from your mistakes and wing it!
The best thing I have going for me is as a Mom I have been able to award my children with generous doses of my love and especially my time. Even when I worked I was able to give Emily a significant quantity of quality time. Now as a "stay at home" mom I don't have the ability to give as much quality time because sometimes that costs too much money. I can however, give a lot of time letting the kids have my undivided attention. We may not be able to visit amusement parks on a regular basis, but we can have just as much fun doing everyday errands. Case and point our day today: Here are a few pictures to prove, I'm not perfect, but I LOVE my kids.

This day in history

2010-06-28T18:33:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny the way days become weeks, then years and tada those times quickly become history?
I love reading about this day in history.
According to factmonster today in history in 1997, Evander Holyfield lost part of his ear in a fight with Mike Tyson. I remember that, I was at a bar in Pasadena. I was underage, not drinking. I was the designated driver. Some things never change.
Also on this day in history Elian Gonzales was returned to his father. This was in 2000. I don't remember the exact day, but I do remember being so confused by all the events surrounding this poor kid. In 1919, way before my time the Treaty of Versailles was signed. I have learned about that in the past few years and I can say, that it was a big deal and worth remembering today.
So what happened today that will someday be history?
Today's headlines are littered with news about the oil spill in the Gulf. I imagine that will sadly be remembered for generations to come.
The top news says that "Justices extend gun owner rights," I must admit I am still a little fearful of guns myself.
Maybe the the headlines will speak of the World Cup. Who knows? I have found 2010's World Cup exciting and boring all rolled into one.
Odds are I may not remember what happened on this day in history, which is why I like the idea of writing a daily blog. Sadly, the day for us was really not that exciting.
I woke up early to take Emily to cheer practice. Only to find out the coaches had altered their practice schedule... No practice for 2 weeks(I knew about next week, but the schedule had originally included 2 practices this week). Her response made me laugh and then made me angry. She said "They said on Thursday 'this is my last practice before camp' but I didn't know what they meant?" My question is, which still hasn't been answered, why not ask???? In any case that happened on this day in history.
We recovered and disposed of Zac's last pacifier. He has no idea, but on this day in history his sister and I made sure there are NO pacifiers available in this house.
I scheduled a date to take the Praxis I. I have been dreading it for months and now I know on July 8th I have to face the music and take the darn test. I imagine on that day in history I will be really stressed out.
To end this day in history the hubby purchased a pay-per-view movie and Emily made brownies. Sadly, I didn't really like either idea, but they won and it is now history :)

Sum it up Sunday

2010-06-27T18:38:00.000-07:00

Lately, Sunday's seem to sum up (and mirror) the chaos that is our wonderful life. We all were up early and we all went to church. Everyone in a pew together always makes my heart happy. We went out to eat after church and then headed to Home Depot. It seems we are there every couple of days. The plan for this particular Sunday was light switches and receptacles. So that is what we bought, as well as a hammer and broom. We came home attempted to nap...Didn't quite work.
Then it was back to the mess err I mean house!
I love my home! I want to be back there so I do whatever it is that Jonathan plans and try to smile about it. While he did electrical stuff I pulled out about 500 nails. I am not cut out for manual labor. I am learning to ask someone to show me the "right" way first because my way is alway so much harder.
I am paranoid about mold! Every single day I worry about mold growing in the house. I don't actually know what mold on the studs would look like, but I check them out often anyways. I guess it eases my mind some. Not really, but what can I do. The professionals say it is mold free.
Now it is nearly 9pm and we haven't eaten dinner. I didn't go grocery shopping. That is what we always did on Sundays BTF (before the flood). Some days. like today I am challenged to see God's purpose. That means I have to let lose of my control and just trust he is working this all out just the way he wants. Luckily, even at my worst moments I return to my solid faith that He has never let me down and won't start now!
My camera is broken. This is terrible! Really not fair and makes me sad. In any case I went ahead and took a few pictures from this Sunday. Someday all of this will be distant memories... That sounds so so nice!

Side by Side

2010-06-26T19:46:00.001-07:00

Do you ever wonder why people have such difficulty looking past the outer shell of a person? The past few days I have come to the realization that if we look deeper we may actually find we are more alike than different.
If you are wondering why I am even pondering these questions here is the answer: I have to for school. This summer one of the courses I am taking is called Learning in an Urban Environment. The course has been informative, but more than that it has helped me to reflect and realize how I really feel about differences.
I may have it easier than most. I wasn't raised to see the differences. Culturally there was differences all around me and that is how I saw people, as different, unique and valuable because of the differences. I never really struggled with equality or treating people with respect. Well let me be honest, in high school I wasn't very fond of black girls, in fact they often threatened to beat me up. It had more to do with the fact that I was "friends" with Mexicans and that wasn't acceptable in their opinion. In any case there was a little time there where I may have disliked someone just because of their skin color. Really sad, I know! Yuck! At least I don't harbor those feelings today.
I know that our country is riddled with hatred. I see it locally, I watch it on the news nationally and I feel saddened by the lack of acceptance! I don't understand it. Prejudice is not dead. I think sometimes people like to make themselves feel good and say that it is. I disagree. I am certain that I have heard "What else do they want, there is a black president?" asked more times then I would like to admit. I get angry, but that doesn't help. Maybe because my skin is white they think I feel comfortable with those types of degrading remarks/questions. Truth is, I don't.
I want to be an educator more then anything. I feel hopeful that I will make a difference! I have only one fear: Will I be able to teach my students to look past the outer shell? I am constantly trying to fight this with my own children and I have them in my home all the time. I don't want my children to think that it is ok to prejudge someone or dislike a person based on their race, religion, socioeconomic status or sexual orientation. The last one is especially tough here in the deep south! I have had to explain to Emily too many times why hate filled slurs regarding who someone loves is unacceptable under any circumstance!
Compounding all of these issues is religiosity... I am in no way in a position to judge someone else. I am however commanded to love and I base my life on that commandment. That fuels me to love my neighbor, unconditionally, without limits or prerequisites.
This blog is getting a little too preachy, I am sorry. I guess I really needed to let off steam.
I think I will end this post with what motivated me to write this blog in the first place, the lyrics to one of my favorite songs.

Ebony and Ivory live together in perfect harmony
side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why don't we?
We all know that people are the same where ever we go
There is good and bad in ev'ryone,
we learn to live, we learn to give
each other what we need to survive together alive.
Ebony and Ivory live together in perfect harmony
side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord why don't we?
By Paul McCartney

Resilience

2010-06-25T13:52:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading this book. It took me a little longer than normal because it was heartbreakingly intense. When I read a book I live through the experiences of the characters. This time the process of reading was the same, but my feelings while reading were unlike anything I have ever felt. The story is about the harrowing life of Ishmael Beah a boy from war ravaged Sierra Leone. The tales of his life are unimaginable. I found a deeper connection to the story because the "boy soldier" and I are the same age. In the years when I was painting my nails and watching Saved by the Bell, he was fighting to survive. He was orphaned, he was alone and he experienced tragedy that most people cannot even comprehend.
I won't tell the story, that would ruin it for someone trying to read it. On a side note: I really hate when people review a book or movie and tell you every single detail.
What I will say is this story is an amazing tale of resilience. I am amazed and inspired by the human will to live and the ability of humanity to survive tragedy and use the survival stories to help others.
Equally as heartbreaking is that since writing his memoirs Beah has been accused of being dishonest in his recollection of events. His timeline and experiences have been scrutinized and challenged. At one point some man even claimed to be his father. Reporters have questioned him and his response has shown his character and strength. I have no way of knowing whether or not his recollection is completely true. What cannot be argued though, is that children around the world are subjected to horrible experiences at the hands of war! I sit in my living room night after night, safe and free. I don't fear death at the hand of rebels or soldiers. This book has helped me to look outside my own day to day world. There are children that will not survive. That is truly heartbreaking. I believe this book can help anyone, anywhere to see how privileged we are and how much the world could use our prayers and support.
I think Beah summed up the message of his book in this sentence: "I would always tell people that I believe children have the resilience to outlive their sufferings, if given the chance."

Dinosaurs, Dr. Pepper & Doritos

2010-06-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

We are having a really fabulous summer, especially considering the circumstances.
Today, Emi is spending the night with the grandparents. That left Zac and I alone to fend for ourselves. I love my boy. He is truly amazing. I am certain all moms feel the same about their children, but nonetheless I love this kid.
Zac was distraught because sister was staying with Grandma and we weren't. I decided we would make a trip to the store. Lucky boy, we left with a new movie, dinosaurs and Dr. Pepper. The Doritos were a special treat from Taco Bell since the Doritos at Wal-Mart were not good. Seriously, Zac asked for Doritos then fussed because the kind at the store were not the "tasty" kind. Who knew?
In any case we drove home with our new treasures. He came home and watched a new Veggie Tales DVD. I do not enjoy Veggie Tales. I love the songs and the message. The voices of the characters however are not my favorite. He fell asleep. I worked on a school assignment, which coincidentally was challenging. This is my first course that is directly related to teaching and I feel a constant pressure to do ALL I can to learn all I can. I am learning so much, I am just a little stressed.
I was expecting Zac to take a nap... That did not happen. Instead Zac and I played with dinosaurs. I have always LOVED dinosaurs. I find them so fascinating. I was teaching him about the different kind of dinosaurs, he could careless, but I had fun!
Here it comes... The best part of my day...The hubby met with the contractor. Drumroll please: tap, tap, tap... They will begin work on rebuilding our house next Wednesday. Give or take a day. This is remarkably wonderful for me. I am full of hope and expectation. Just yesterday, I was feeling a little low and told the hubby "I will be really disappointed if we pass the 2 month mark with our house still destroyed!" Check your calendars people, God heard my prayer and if things go as planned we will see changes by next Thursday. I don't need too much. In fact, seeing a truck in the driveway, or something, anything that means I am going to go home soon will make me so happy.
So if you have made it this far, I have one thing to say...Sorry! I have rambled, but I have fulfilled my daily blog obligation :)
Here are some pictures from our day:

An angel and his Mom my hero

2010-06-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

I love my children. I dreamed of my son before he was born. I had dreams for his life before I ever saw his face.
What happens when things don't go as planned?
Sadly, the same year that Zac was born I watched in horror as a friend I have ALWAYS loved like a sister lived through the most tragic loss imaginable... The loss of a child, the loss of the dreams, before they even have a chance to breathe. It was a Sunday when I read an email that I will never forget. I made a tearful phone call to a friend in California (who is also the angel's auntie), she explained what she could. There were really no questions in my mind, just confusion and sadness. I tried to busy my head with questions though like why, how, what now? I didn't get it. I still don't. My faith had a hard time that day, in fact, my questions for God have never really stopped. I cried a lot, I was hormonal, I was scared, I was TRULY heartbroken. Baby B was born 3 days after I first learned his Mommy and Daddy would go home with empty arms. It seemed so unbelievable, so unreal she was 9 months pregnant, she had done everything right.
In the months that followed I prayed, I cried and I said very little to her. I didn't know what to say. As my pregnancy progressed I worried a little and felt guilty a lot. I couldn't help her pain, I knew that.
Today, I am so proud of Baby B's Mom. She is amazing, truly heroic, inspirational and I love her more than words can say. I know that she misses him, she has proven it by never letting his memory fade. He is remarkably alive in her work to remember other angels and prevent similar heartbreak for other families. She has now organized a Walk to Remember, where other families can come to memorialize the little angels who were taken away too soon. She has opened up, shared her heartbreak, grief and triumph. Baby B is a big brother to two amazing little boys. All three boys are blessed to have a beautiful and creative Mommy who shows she loves them more than anything.
In the past 3 years, sadly, I have had to turn to her for advice on how to comfort another friend who became a mommy to an angel. I connected them and felt comforted in my heartache knowing these two friends could truly understand one another.
Baby B's Mommy and another Mommy of an Angel have started this website
Three years later I am still so sad that I will never be able to meet Baby B. I love his Mommy for her strength and resolve. She is truly amazing.
The Cross Family loves you Baby B and your family too. We wish we could have met you in life... We will have to wait and meet you in heaven someday. Happy 3rd Birthday in 3 days! We will always remember and miss you! Your family has helped you live an amazing legacy.

Parenting help from Fresh Prince & DJ Jazzy Jeff

2010-06-22T14:26:00.000-07:00

Remarkably enough there is parenting advice available everywhere, even in rap songs. If you are privileged enough to have loved and admired Fresh Prince and DJ Jazzy Jeff, you just might know what I am talking about. Remember these lyrics?

You know parents are the same

No matter time nor place

They don't understand that us kids

Are going to make some mistakes

So to you, all the kids all across the land

There's no need to argue

Parents just don't understand

When I was just about the same age as my Emily I loved this song! In fact, in 1989-1990 this was a really "cool" song! As I got a little older I loved the song even more because it seemed my parents were so "old-fashioned." My parent's like all parents just wanted to spare me some heartache and hard knocks. I understand that these days, now if only, I could help Emily see. We are just beginning to enter the teenage years. In terms of age we still have 1 1/2 years until thirteen. Apparently, all the hype about kids growing up too fast is in fact true. At least in our house. I think the "status" of cheerleader has really helped catapult us into the fun stuff already. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. I am taking notes. I can't wait to show her this blog and all of my notes someday so I can prove I only had the best of intentions.
Thank goodness I have had the fortune of learning about child development in the past couple of years. It helps me to keep my sanity when her requests are outlandish and absurd. She feels like she is mature and sophisticated, I won't tell her how I really feel about those things... I will bite my tongue and just let her read this blog ha ha!
She has had a little difficulty feeling "cool" at cheerleading. It is a new adjustment for all of the girls and apparently some of the girls are not overly fond of our angel. Emily and I are very open with one another, so she has been keeping me posted on the developments of the "evil" girls. The sad thing is I keep explaining to her the importance of taking a step back and observing people before making judgements and especially before acting on them.
Remarkably it seems the "evil" girls and I have similar feelings about things: We would like Emily to listen and calm down sometimes. It seems only logical, but it really frustrates Emily that I tell her the exact same things as the girls at cheer. I must admit I feel badly too. All parents want their kids to be loved by everyone and never want to hear that other kids are being mean.
This is a learning time for Emily and I. I have to learn to bite my tongue. I can't fight her battles and these social lessons are important for her future. She thinks I don't "get it" even though I do. My heart breaks that she isn't fitting in yet. I have all the faith in the world that she will find her niche on the squad and this will all be old news! (I can't wait for that!)
Parenting is tough. It is a constant lesson in just about everything. I feel blessed because I have a slow temper and a GREAT sense of humor. I can laugh at the insanity and rarely lose my cool. Lucky kids!
I treasure my children. I am motivated by my dreams for all of us. There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kids. There is no sacrifice to big, no mountain I won't move for them... Too bad odds are they will both think I have no clue about their lives! I guess knowing is half the battle right???
So here is a tribute to all of "us" parents who were once kids that thought our parent's could never understand! :)

With a little help "for" my friends~

2010-06-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

I know that the actual lyrics are "With a little help FROM my friends," but hey it's my blog so I think I will change it up a little.
On Friday, as I was standing in Walmart talking to my (someday) sister-in-law I was semi-shocked and honored by our conversation. She and my "littlest" brother-in-law are going to be venturing into the "couple" world financially and physically by moving into their own place soon. She and I were kind of chitchatting about previous conversations we have had about my marriage and how we work things out and something hit me (figuratively of course): Not everyone does things the way we do. Obviously that makes sense because we are well, slightly unique.
When I met Jonathan, I had a horrible track record with relationships. Considering he had been divorced less than 2 years it is safe to say his relationship track record was nothing to brag about. When we first met, I was brutally honest about how I felt about divorce, marriage and love in general. Looking back, I was making a point that what I wanted most in a relationship was respect, trust and friendship. I can honestly say everyday that we have been together I have gotten that and so much more.
The point of this blog isn't to relive our love story, but instead share with whoever the poor sap is that happens to read this blog a few tips that I have learned help maintain a relationship.
#1) This is really important in the beginning, especially if you are a 2nd wife or something like that. Leave the past in the past! Sounds simple enough. In the beginning I must admit I had difficulty at times knowing I wasn't his first love, but duh, he wasn't mine either. We quickly decided, actually this is more his doing then mine because I am a blabber, we wouldn't discuss our ex's. What we did discuss minimally is what we learned. He never blamed his ex and that was something that helped me fall in love with him. Wait, this is not about love! Sorry :)
#2) Relationships are a team venture. This would seem simple enough, duh it takes two, but I often see couples struggle at this. I don't talk badly about him, even jokingly with friends. I have likewise never heard him badmouth me. We also don't talk about our sex lives. I think this is kind of icky when people are talking about it nicely, but I find it especially heartbreaking when spouses talk about not getting "it" in public. That is just a simple example of what I mean by working together to support and build up one another as a TEAM. In order to win a team has to have an "us against the world attitude." This doesn't mean that others can't support you acting as coaches and trainers for example, but in reality the only two people that can make you "win" at this relationship is you and him/her! This can be especially challenging when there are baby's mommas and daddies in the mix. There is no such thing as the kid came first or whatever some people may try and preach. The true team is you two. If you can stay connected and moving in the same direction who came first is irrelevant. The family will all benefit when the team is united and working to stay that way!
#3) Don't conform to roles! This is a little more difficult for me than for some. I am a little bit(maybe a lot) liberal, free-thinking, woman of today... Who fantasizes about wearing aprons and baking all day! When we met, I made it clear I would work. I wanted to work and that was that. We shared all domestic jobs and I liked it that way. Fast forward to today, that doesn't exactly work. I am home, it just makes sense that I clean it. The point is though, I don't make that my role. I can still change a tire and have even learned lately how to mow the grass. We are equals, he works hard and so do I. We don't compare are day jobs, that is silly because if we really believe #2(we are a team) then why would we compare? The fact that he works long hours doesn't make me feel guilty, it does however motivate me to make our home a peaceful place where he can relax. The most important thing to know about roles is this, THEY CHANGE! Just like any good actor would learn multiple roles in a play, I practice every single role I can get my hands on. I want to be the best of the best and so does he. I don't complain when something isn't done, I do it myself and so does he. In respect to full discloser I must admit, since the flood things such as our roles, seem to change daily. Lately, Jonathan can't seem to find his way into the kitchen or find his clothes before a shower. There are two ways of looking at this, #1 I could be annoyed by his new need for my help, but I don't because I realize #2 since the flood he has had to become a demo man and contractor. Point is don't get stuck in roles and especially don't forget you are a team!
#4) Ask a lot of questions! I have learned that what rings true in a classroom also helps in a relationship. The more time you invest in gaining info about their jobs, friends, lives, etc. The more you will have to talk about and have in common. Me and Jonathan can talk for hours. We have in fact. We have spent more than 24 hours straight driving in a car and never ran out of things to talk about. I know about diesel engines and hydraulics now, not that I really need to, but because I have listened and learned. It pays off. I have learned enough to know when he has worked really hard and can act accordingly. Likewise, he has listened and learned about Episcopal traditions and who knows what else as I learned about stuff at school.
This also applies to finances. We do not make purchase over $50(besides groceries) without consulting the other. This is the reason I believe we have NEVER argued about finances. I must admit though sometimes I take for granted that all of out bills are paid. I don't spend money, but I also don't even know where are bill money is sent. I have tried very hard in the last two years to be more involved in the bill pay process though :)
#5) Always kiss him(or her) goodnight! There is a bible verse about never letting the sun go down on your anger(Ephesians 4:26). That is tough sometimes. I have struggled and went to sleep on a sofa because we haven't resolved an issue or two. It hasn't happened often, in fact I can't even think of 3 "good" arguments we have had. The point is we don't let the worries or differences of one day lead into the next. As much as it hurts (or sucks) we talk it out, lose some sleep and go to bed with a hug and a kiss. That makes all the difference, really. We don't let a little argument become a major dividing point!

These are just the 5 most important tips I can think of off the top of my head!
There is a wealth of hard knocks, lessoned learned type of info in my brain. Should you need assistance feel free to let me know :)

F is for Fantastic & Father

2010-06-20T17:08:00.000-07:00

Today has been a very awesome day. I am really exhausted, seems to be a theme these day. I am thinking the EXTREME heat helps cause this.
In any case, I feel short on creativity and time. I do so love the fathers in my life... My 2 dads, the father to my children and his dad too.
I am so blessed to have these fathers in my life, they help support me and make my life so much more worthwhile.
I don't know what I would do without them, thank God I don't have to know.
Father and Son I ♥ them
Daddy and his girl
3 generations of tractor driving Cross men~
My 2 Dads, I love them!!!

This is an excerpt from my favorite poem about Fathers. I hope my dad's feel honored when I call them Father :)

Father by Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Now I think of all achievements ‘tis the least
To perpetuate the species; it is done
By the insect and the serpent, and the beast.
But the man who keeps his body, and his thought,
Worth bestowing on an offspring love-begot,
Then the highest earthly glory he was won,
When in pride a grown-up daughter or a son
Says ‘That’s Father.’

Expect Miracles

2010-06-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

My miracle at this very moment will be if I finish and post this blog before midnight.
Today has been a busy, on the go kind of day and I nearly forgot to blog. Thank God my blogging buddy reminded me.

Since I don't have a whole lot of time and my hubby is really feeling like talking(which makes typing and concentrating difficult), I am going to tell you about my new bracelet.
Last weekend while Jonathan was getting a haircut I walked to a nearby store and saw a silver bracelet. I really liked the bracelet, so I picked it up and headed to the counter to pay for it. When I was trying to get the money out of my purse, I looked at the bracelet again and saw that it said "Expect Miracles."
I really love the fact that even when I wasn't paying attention I was being reminded to expect miracles and to be conscious of the miracles happening all around me.
My life is proof that miracles exist, I have learned to expect them, especially these days and I am never disappointed!
That's all for tonight...

Friends Again

2010-06-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

If there is one thing that I pride myself on it is being a friend. The kind of friend that people know they can count on. For most of my life I have been very successful at this. Since moving to Tennessee, I have struggled to make friends. Life here is different. Friendships that I have experienced here are a little on the shallow side. Not that I don't try, but it just seems too difficult to maintain close friendships here. Don't get me wrong, I have AMAZING friends, a few of which I have made that actually live here too.
There are a couple of friendships in my life that did not go as I had planned. Regardless of how many years pass, I can't seem to stop grieving over the loss of the friendships. Yes, you read that right it isn't just one or even two. I have a small bundle of people who taken a piece of my heart, but life didn't provide the memories together that I had hoped for.

Sometimes I am grateful that the friendships aren't painful anymore. It is hard enough to maintain friends in life, but when people push you away and build walls to protect themselves it is even more difficult.
Today, while driving in the car, I heard this song by Martin Sexton called Friends Again. The you tube version isn't as awesome as the radio version, but at least you can hear what made me think of this whole subject to begin with.

I have difficulty letting go, especially of people. I don't see this as a fault anymore though, instead I take pride in cherishing the people in my life even when they aren't around as much.
A long time ago, when I was still on myspace someone posted this poem and I have never forgotten it. I think it helps to understand the different types of friendships in our lives.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Los Angeles Lakers

2010-06-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

I changed my default picture on facebook to this picture before the finals began. This is the first gold vs green match up I can recall.
For as long as I can remember, I mean way back, I have loved the Lakers! Love may be a little soft for my actual feelings. I grew up watching the legendary Lakers Vs. Celtics rivalry. I remember as a little girl HATING Larry Bird, the poor guy was amazing and I hated him. The problem was he made winning tough on the Lakers and I hated that.
Magic Johnson was my hero. I loved watching him move the ball it was really magical, sorry I couldn't resist. I am in Laker fan euphoria. I can't be a title winning athlete, but I can be a fan who cries and rejoices with her team.
My memories of basketball are something I treasure. My baby boy has slept through the last two championship wins, but maybe next year I will wake him up. This year was a first, Emily, Jonathan and I all watched in our "temporary" home on a tiny TV and I wouldn't change any of it. This is the stuff that I hope will stay with me for as long as my brain can remember to breathe.
I watched the final minute sitting down, but when the last 11.4 seconds came about I couldn't hold it together. I was jumping around , screaming and clapping and they just laughed at me. Not that I mind the laughter, or even heard it for that matter... All I could hear was my heart pounding.
I love Kobe Bryant, I have also hated him for hogging the ball. Regardless, I have watched him grow into an amazing player who deserves his title. Phil Jackson is a machine. His coaching abilities are remarkable.
There are still moments I miss Chick Hearn. I wish I could have heard him announce the Lakers tonight.

I am going to go to bed a happy, fulfilled, lifelong Lakers fan!

Whatever it takes

2010-06-16T15:40:00.000-07:00

Life isn't easy.
No one promised that there wouldn't be tears. I get that. I understand the concept of yin and yang. Happiness must balance with sadness. I am learning to balance too. The good with the bad, a little negativity helps me to find the silver lining.
For as long as I can remember I have been willing to do whatever it takes!
Maybe that is why I can finally believe people when they say "You should be proud." Pride hasn't yet become mine, but the feeling of acceptance and admiration from others is a special gift I wholeheartedly embrace.
For years I struggled against so many things, mostly God's purpose for me. I did whatever it took to fight the still, small voice and made it through somehow. Thank the Lord, I finally realized that I need only do whatever it takes to seek God's will! What a relief.
I still feel the pressure. I still want to do whatever I can to be the best of the best. I want to be more as a mom, wife and friend!
There is nothing I wouldn't do to show the people in my life how much I love them. I would truly do whatever it takes to be there, to be present and to never leave.
I am not ideal. I am a fighter. I am not without fault, in fact I have a TON of them. I am however, forgiven! I am constantly reaching. I want more. I have dreams and I will do whatever it takes to achieve them.
My heart has tough spots. Maybe that is why I am so passionate because I know what it takes.
Faith is only as good as I am willing to give back. I know that I need to be more selfless. I am too lazy sometimes.
I am still seeking, still striving for more depth, reaching for more candid moments for God to show me who I am REALLY supposed to be.
In the meantime I will continue to do whatever it takes to make the best of EVERY moment I have been given. I will accept the day for what it is. I will find ways to always smile at both the sunshine and the rain, seeing the beauty in it all.
I will do whatever it takes because that is my destiny. I was given a purpose before I took my first breath. I am slowly awakening to who I am meant to be as a wife, a mom, a friend...Most of all I am at content knowing no matter what I am the child of the most amazing God.

Top 15 on the 15th

2010-06-15T18:05:00.000-07:00

The last time I blogged for an entire month I thought of this idea and I really had every intention to keep it up each month, but sadly I have not.
Here is the Cross Family's Top 15:
E's Top 5
1.) She is now an official Crestview Middle School cheerleader! This has been fun for all of us. I can't wait to go to games and see her in action.
2.) She refuses to read. I don't understand it and I get a little sad. I LOVE to read, she does not. I am continuing to work on this, but we will see how it goes.
3.) She attempted to be an almost vegetarian (eating no pork or beef), but after about a week and a half that ended tonight.
4.) Today she asked me about racism, which I find amazing and comforting. She is a deep and caring kid that has a good head on her shoulders. She was worried that stereotyping people leads to racism.
5.)E's attitude has improved amazingly over the past few months. She is still a kid with outbursts and moments, but she is accommodating of her brother and loving to the rest of us like never before.
Z's Top 5
1.) He is obsessed with directions. If we are driving he needs to know in advance "how you get there?" I humor him and now he is learning his left and right because of which way we turn in the car.
2.) He adores his sissy. This is nothing new, but the admiration has hit new levels since the "flood." He follows her around and loves to "cheer" with her.
3.) He loves to sing. The Black Eyed Peas and Veggie Tales seem to be his favorite these days.
4.) He hates food. No matter what we attempt to feed him he rarely enjoys it.
5.) He talks about the "fwud" every day. He has fears he voices "I don't wike the wain, it makes me scawy." We all talk to him about it and my hopes are it will pass soon.
Me and the hubby Top 5
1.) We are not exercising. We have not had the time or energy to make it happen. We really need to get back in the swing of things.
2.) I have actually been mowing grass. This is a first for me, but I am trying to do all I can to help out.
3.) Even with all the flood related stress we have not fought. I don't know how we do it, but we find a way to laugh through the toughest moments and it works.
4.) I am taking my first University of Memphis course and I can't seem to devout enough time or mental energy to it. I am doing well so I have to hope it all comes together.
5.) We are looking forward to the house being put back together, but it will be a few more weeks until the work begins.
That is all for today. I am hoping the Lakers pull of a huge win over the Celtics tonight. I can't multitask when it comes to watching the Lakers. Come on Lakers!!!!!

My favorite blog

2010-06-14T19:19:00.001-07:00

I am having trouble thinking of what I want to blog about. If you think of any great blog topic ideas please, please let me know.
For today, since I can't seem to organize my thoughts into an articulate blog, I am going to post my favorite blog. I have re-read this blog many time to remind myself of how I have changed. In my life it is important to never forget where I came from and who I WAS. That is not who I am NOW, but it has helped to mold me into who I am.
So here is my blog, that was originally posted on myspace in 2008.
I'm not who I was... from my myspace blog~
Sometimes I am amazed at my own resolve. This year has been so amazing, and full of torture at the same time. I have never spent so much time alone in my life. I've always felt afraid of the silence and depth that comes when I am alone with my own thoughts. But "I am not who I was!" I feel stronger more determined and loved then I have ever been. My life is a fairytale, modern day love story, full of happiness beyond words. Lately, I have reconnected with faith in a really amazing way. I think that my beliefs and faith have always made me who I really am. I have made so many choices in my life that pushed God completely out of my life. I wasn't able to deal with the thought that maybe I was doing the WRONG thing or making the WRONG choices in my life. The most wonderful thing is, the constant grace that comes when you admit, you are NOT who you think you are. Don't get me wrong I am still human! I am not a "Bible Thumper." I won't knock on your door and ask for you to repent, but I will tell you in my heart is a love that has again consumed the voids that people have left. I have had the most amazing experiences in life, they have forced me to admit there is a God who is much greater than me. And although I am just a mere human, he is forever reminding me who I REALLY am and I am so greatful.

I am excited about life and about what I feel I am accomplishing. I want to change my world, one heart at a time. Most of my friends don't believe like I do, my husband doesn't even understand the depth of my faith sometimes and that is more than ok. I know that is part of my purpose, to reach into places of doubt and undo the hypocrisy of life.

I have lost touch with people in my life. Some recently, some a long time ago. This song speaks what I feel, I forgive you, and my sincerest hope is you forgive me. I have found a way to let go and I hope you can to. And most of all if ever you wonder, I still love you. Because one thing that I am is loyal, if I ever told you I loved you, I meant it and I still do.

The lyrics to songs in my life, help me to voice to myself how I feel. They are kind of like my words to myself. I hear them and they help me understand my own thoughts. So I heard this song and it fit so perfectly with how I was feeling at this very moment.

I am exhausted!

2010-06-13T19:53:00.000-07:00

Today I woke a little sleepy, headed to church accompanied by a meeting and boy am I glad I did. I needed the boost of a fabulous sermon and the laughter of a silly meeting! To say I love my church would not really do my admiration justice. It is not just the place, although I love the historical building, the people have won a place in my heart that I can't describe. Anyhow the sermon was great, I can't really describe it either because it wouldn't make sense to anyone reading this. I can say it was exactly what I needed to hear and I LOVE that. I will share the Psalm though because, well, it is a great one:

Psalm 5

1Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my meditation.

2Hearken unto the voice of my cry, my King, and my God: for unto thee will I pray.

3My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.

4For thou art not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee.

5The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.

6Thou shalt destroy them that speak leasing: the LORD will abhor the bloody and deceitful man.

7But as for me, I will come into thy house in the multitude of thy mercy: and in thy fear will I worship toward thy holy temple.

8Lead me, O LORD, in thy righteousness because of mine enemies; make thy way straight before my face.

After church the real fun began. It is HOT here. I mean really hot, like unbearably hot. We have two yards, which means more than 2 acres of grass to cut a week. Jonathan also has a to-do list of all the things that still must be accomplished to clear the way for the contractors to begin rebuilding. Thank God for my in-laws. They took care of the kids and we headed to the house to tackle our chores.
I was back on the mower. I think I will have a great tan, just from being on the mower. I cut the grass, nearly ALL of the grass which meant driving through piles of ash left behind from burning corn stalks. When it was all said and done I was without a doubt dirtier and smellier than I have ever been. It was rewarding though. Not quite as rewarding as church, but still I hung in with the hubby and he admitted I was a "tough cookie." That made all of the torture worth it! Well, almost..
There is no cooling in our future as you can see from this screen capture it is HOT! By the way I just learned how to do the screen capture. I love my Mac, I just wish I knew how to use it. Ha ha, no really I think I need a class.

The only sad point in my day is the Lakers losing tonight.
For as long as I can remember I have loved basketball. I can thank my wonderful father Bryce for giving me that love! As a kid I grew up loving the Lakers, win or lose, I have always loved them. I watched the Celtic vs. Lakers rivalry as a tiny kid and that rivalry is as huge to me now as it was in the 1980's.
Basketball can teach you so much about life. I think it is safe to say all sports are that way. Especially for fans like me. I don't have time to blog about all of that, but I think I might just do that in the next few days.
For now, I am going to head to dreamland. I have accomplished my goal of blogging today, well sort of. Sorry for the random nonsense of this blog. Hopefully day 13 will be the only blog that is so terrible.

Saturday Synopsis

2010-06-12T19:12:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think if I was to offer people a window into my world, it would be extreme comedy. At times I laugh until my sides ache. It could be that I think it is funny and no one else would, but in any case I think my life is hilarious and that is what matters.
We started the day off trying to find a notary so that we could finally "finalize" some things needed to close on the loan that we are getting to help in the rebuilding. All week long I had tried to find a way to get things signed, but since the hubby was working long hours it became impossible. Today, appeared to be just as unlucky. Then I sent a facebook status out into the world and TADA we have our paper signed so I can file it on Monday. I won't list the name of the kind soul who graciously assisted us, but what I will say is his kindness (and his wife for helping make it happen) won't soon be forgotten. Once again I found myself almost teary because of how much I LOVE my town. This person has worked so many hours in the last week, to try and make our county a safer place to live and he still had time to help us! That my friends is going WAY beyond the call of duty and proves to me that where we live is an amazing place.
After running all of our errands and spending a little time with the in-laws we decided to rent a few movies. Alice and Jackie it was. As soon as we got home, all of us snuggled up in the kids room and watched Alice in Wonderland, it was awesome. This was meant to become nap time for Zac, but that never happened.
This evening we had an invitation to do some grown up activities, but after a few hours of deliberation we decided that grown up fun was not going to work into our schedules, at least not tonight. I was a little disappointed, but then the lightning bugs came out and I thought of a great way to enjoy my evening. So began the hunt for lightning bugs. These little bugs are almost magical in their mating rituals. They glow to show off for their mate and we hunt them down. The kids and I had so much fun "collecting" them. We also discovered a frog in the driveway. Zac really enjoyed the frog.

There are some things in life that remind you how blessed you are to be alive. Today offered me lots of incredible reasons why I need to remember I have more fun in my life than imaginable and even when I want to complain, I can't I am just too blessed!
We are ending the evening with fresh Chinese Food that was delivered( I love that) and a Jackie Chan movie. I would tell you the name, but I don't know.
I hope everyone is having an amazing weekend making memories and loving the irreplaceable people in their life. I know I am!

Another flood tragedy

2010-06-11T19:35:00.001-07:00

Today I woke up and was watching the news and saw details of this story:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

My heart sank. To say that I feel for the people involved in this tragedy is an understatement. To wake up to rising water is by far one of the worst feelings I have EVER experienced. Unlike our family, many of the people who lost their lives in this campground had no chance of escape or way to save the lives of the people around them. My prayers have been going out all day for the people whose loved ones have lost their lives and for those who are still missing.
I have questioned God's plan many times, asking why did this happen to us? Today though, there were no questions in my prayer time, there was just gratitude for keeping us safe. We were kept safe, we were spared and in the end we are actually better because of our flood. We have grown together, something that many of these people may never have the chance to do.
Watching the news about floods is still hard for me. I feel a little anxious every time I see rain in the forecast and especially when the rain comes down quickly. I can't imagine what the survivors of this flood will experience emotionally as a result of this flood. In all actuality our lives were never in danger, when I woke up that morning though, I wasn't sure of that.
The moral of this story is weather warnings are serious. I don't know if there has always been flooding like this because to be honest I never really noticed before now. Now I am hyper-sensitized to flooding, my ears perk up when rising water is mentioned. My hope is that people in our community and others that I come in contact with will heed the warnings of meteorologists and the National Weather Service. Even if there are 1000 storms that pass you by, it only takes one storm to change your life. Families and parents need to be especially aware of what to do in the event of weather related and other disasters because your children will need to look to you. When we are back in our house, we will have flood plans, earthquake plans, fire plans and tornado plans... Not because I want to scare my kids, but because they are STILL just as apprehensive of rain as I am. Being prepared gives me a sense of security. My hope is my children feel the same way!
Again my prayers are constantly going up for the people in Arkansas who survived this flood and especially for the families and friends of those who did not.

Speaking to my 16 year old self

2010-06-10T13:34:00.000-07:00

I've never used a prompt to write a blog, but this one really struck a cord. It made me think. It also made me want to use it to write my blog today.
If you could go back in time and meet your 16-year-old self, what three things would you tell yourself?
Sixteen was undoubtly one of the most difficult if not the most difficult years of my life. My parents were getting a divorce, our house was being foreclosed on and I didn't "feel" like I fit in anywhere. I did however have an amazing church youth group and some awesome friends. If it weren't for those two things, I don't know where I would be.
So here is the three things I would have told myself:
#1) Do not believe and/or trust everyone. Regardless of their relationship or position in your life, not everyone has your best interest at heart. If someone shows you who they are then you have to pay attention. Actions speak louder than words and when people act you listen otherwise it is all useless noise. If you have a feeling about someone or something trust it, trust yourself to know if someone is sincere or not and don't second guess your ability to make the right choices.

#2) Always put your education first. Don't drop out!!!! If you quit now you will always have "what if" questions that can't be answered. If it is hard for you to work and go to school ask for help. Find people that can help support you so that you can finish your education. Follow your heart, if you think there is something that you want to do in life run with it. You'll never know if you don't try. Take the risk now, to do all it takes to get an education and give yourself the future you deserve.

#3) Learn to fight for yourself and what you believe in. Some things are difficult to understand, but that's not what you need to worry about. Worry about making sure that you never settle. Do not allow people to be in your life if they don't deserve to be there. Be sure to stay close to your friends because later on in life you will be so glad you did!

I have had to learn many of my lessons in life the hard way. Some of my heartaches I brought on myself, some of them were helped by others, but the fact remains with a little faith and determination anything is possible!
I hope my children never have to worry about the things I did when I was 16. I hope and pray that I can provide them a safe, stable and loving home where they can focus on school and becoming the best humans they can!

Almost Wordless Wednesday...

2010-06-09T14:22:00.000-07:00

THE BRIDGE BUILDER

An old man, going a lone highway,
Came at the evening cold and gray,
To a chasm, vast and deep and wide,
Through which was flowing a sullen tide.
The old man crossed in the twilight dim-
That sullen stream had no fears for him;
But he turned, when he reached the other side,
And built a bridge to span the tide.

"Old man," said a fellow pilgrim near,
"You are wasting strength in building here.
Your journey will end with the ending day;
You never again must pass this way.
You have crossed the chasm, deep and wide,
Why build you the bridge at the eventide?"

The builder lifted his old gray head.
"Good friend, in the path I have come," he said,
"There followeth after me today
A youth whose feet must pass this way.
This chasm that has been naught to me
To that fair-haired youth may a pitfall be.
He, too, must cross in the twilight dim;
Good friend, I am building the bridge for him."

-WILL ALLEN DROMGOOLE

We never know who is following our footsteps. I always hope that those I am following help me cross the "chasms" of life and I am always willing to help others cross them too!

Those Summer Nights( and days)

2010-06-08T13:49:00.001-07:00

Generally it is safe to say I do not enjoy the summer season as much as I do other seasons, such as fall that is my favorite time of year. The summer is hot, humid and to be honest I do not look cute in shorts. Seriously though, usually the summer seems to drag, Emily is visiting her Mom and it just isn't that great. This summer however, feels nothing like that. Mostly because Emily is here, I guess but I can't really be sure. It is bittersweet because I know she misses her Louisiana family so much. She is however, having the time of her life learning cheers and dances. We are enjoying the endless show that is displayed at every moment of the day.
In any case life is good, we are all doing well. Adjusting to life as it is at this moment and learning to roll with the punches! My kids are always my biggest source of happiness and inspiration, but lately that feeling seems to be magnified. They are truly amazing and I can't believe I am lucky enough to call them mine.
Here are a couple of my favorite pictures from our day today:

It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard
I love you Emily and Zachary. I hope we you two are enjoying life right NOW as much as I am! ♥ ♥

Pam: Like the cooking spray!

2010-06-07T15:24:00.001-07:00

Here is all of us: What a crazy bunch! With Pam in the middle holding us all together!
It has been one week since I left the beautiful Oregon coast. I haven't blogged about the vacation yet because I am still a little sad it is over, maybe a LOT sad!
I have never lived near my Oregon family and sometimes I feel as though there is never enough time to really show them how much I love them. In the past 13 years though, Pam my wonderful step-mom has continually found ways to show me how much she loves me. I was reflecting on how much she loves me earlier and thought it would be a perfect blog topic. Pam is not your typical person, maybe that is why we get along so well. I must admit, I struggled in the beginning to know where did I fit into her life, she had older than me, and then she had my little sister with my dad and I just wasn't sure how this all would work. Maybe the first thing I came to love about her was her aprons! Sounds kind of silly and maybe even strange, but I have ALWAYS loved aprons and if Pam is in the kitchen she is wearing an apron. Anyways shortly after meeting her, I spent my first (and sadly the only) holiday with them. It was Thanksgiving and she let all of us that wanted to help in the kitchen. It was so fun, Dawn (my sister from anotha motha) and I helped. This was probably one of my first successful kitchen experiences as an adult.
Pam is the type of person who feels your sadness, anxiousness and every other emotion before you admit they are there. She has the ability to make me spill anything(verbally speaking of course) and everything. We can laugh and cry and not be ashamed. I need that, I need her!
Maybe I love her so much because we are kindred spirits. Neither one of us can watch something on the television without crying, by something I am including news and commercials. She is the type of mom that has devoted all of her love to her children, she continually worries for all of us. I find that comforting. At any given moment she is hoping we are happy, healthy and successful.
Right NOW life has taken on new dimensions for me. I am more a mother than a daughter, but I still long for the connection of a mother daughter and father daughter connection. I grew up way too fast and cheated myself out of a lot of years of allowing someone else to call the shots. Pam, my mom has given me so much, she has allowed me into her heart, which feels like the best place ever! She tells me she loves me and they both(Dad too) tell me how impressed they are by my choice in a husband and by how awesome the kids are. That makes the day in and day out headaches feel so much easier because someone has noticed we have a "good thing" going,
The hardest part of being so far away is that you can't always hear the true emotions coming through a telephone. Luckily for me I can feel the love my family has for me, especially the love Pam has for me even if I can't be there to feel the hugs in person.
There were many very special moments this trip. I think I needed to connect to Pam and she needed me. We found a solace and joy in being together. Here are just a few of my favorite moments with my Oregon Mom aka Pam:
* Looking through her cooking magazines and finding the "Black eyed pea salad," so tasty. Then discovering she had marked the page because it sounded good to her too!
* Walking into the movie rental place and saying "Wow it really smells like popcorn in here! I wonder if it is a plugin or something" Then hearing Pam say "Um there is a popcorn maker right there!" Oh yes, I am that blonde!
* Riding on the sand dunes with Pam screeching away in front of us!
*Sitting in the kitchen talking about things I can't mention, but I can say it made me laugh until I cried!
* Watching President Obama take responsibility; glancing at her through my tears, only to see her wiping her tears with her robe.
* Going thrift store shopping and finding special treasures with Julia.
* Waking up to fresh coffee and a hug from the most awesome extra mom ever!
* Learning how to make bacon in the oven.
* Endless trips together to the most amazing grocery stores ever. I love fresh produce!
* My special turquoise ring that matches hers.
* The special nag champa scented cream she gave me. Every morning when I put it on, it makes me smile!
I could keep listing special moments for hours, but I have other people who need my attention.
All of this is to say: I love you Mom! You are one in a million and I am so blessed you came into my life.

So this is love?

2010-06-06T18:01:00.000-07:00

Time flies so quickly! I cannot believe that one year ago today Jonathan and I attended the beautiful wedding of Darin and Echo Day (well, she wasn't a Day until after the ceremony, but you what I mean). Emily had just left for the summer and I was feeling a little down... That was until the ceremony began. The setting was gorgeous. The Tipton County Museum and Nature Trail is one of my favorite places to be. I used to go there many early mornings (before work) to walk the trail, take pictures of random things and to just be "me" before the stress of my day would ensue. Now that I have told you about the place I will tell you about the people and the ceremony. As we were walking in, we ran into our priest James Newsom, Jonathan hadn't met him yet so that was a memorable moment for me. It was also memorable because it was one of the few time James appeared nervous. After a brief conversation with the nervous officiant we took our seats. The wedding began and the wedding party entered the garden, my favorite part was when all four of the couples kids came in looking totally adorable! The ceremony ended in a very memorable way too, there was no kiss. I actually never asked about this, but wondered was it something the Episcopal church did or what happened? It was months later when I actually found out that James just forgot that part, oopsie!
In the ceremony James "charged" us as their friends to help them keep their marriage "fun" by helping with the kids or something. I don't know what the actual wording was, but what it meant to me was to help them in any way I could to keep their relationship growing as a couple, or something like that. Luckily, we have been able to go on a few double dates and I think I babysat the kids once so they could go out, but I can't recall at the moment. In any case I will continue to encourage them in the years to come by helping keep my marriage fun too!
I have seen them over the past year grow as a couple, but especially as a family. That is what I find most encouraging and inspiring as a "blended" family. Echo is an incredible step mom and Darin is an awesome step dad. The kids are really well-behaved, articulate and just plain fabulous little people to be around, which in my opinion says a LOT about their parents and how sucessful they are as a family.
I hope that as time continues to fly by I am able to watch thier marriage continue to grow and our familes can continue to become closer. There is a lot of heartache in the world, but I am so blessed to say that in my life right NOW I can look at my marriage and Echo and Darin's marriage and truly know this is LOVE ♥!
Today, in celebration of the Day's anniversary we spent hours in the HOT, blazing sun to load all of the flooring from our flooded house into a dumpster. Let me just say I am a real lightweight when it comes to manual labor! Jonathan wanted to hire someone to help him and I offered to help, to save money. Wow, I had no idea how hard I would have to work. I am officially a "redneck" because I am now the proud owner of a sunburn. All this is to say, this is what love truly is. You bend outside of your comfort zone, you work harder than you have ever worked, you laugh, you cry(hopefully not too often), you struggle, but at the end of the day you come together and remember this is what love is all about! I am so blessed to have found this kind of love. I feel certain Echo and Darin feel the same way.
Happy Anniversary my friends, may God bless your marriage and family with a lifetime of love and happiness.
Here's to your anniversary and to the love of my life for always inspiring me to be more than I thought possible. Since I know you two love Dave like we do:

And just to help you remember what love really is:

Today is an "off"day

2010-06-05T15:44:00.000-07:00

For the most part I am so uber happy that I rarely have to admit that I have an "off" day here and there.
Today, I must admit that I have had to work at feeling happy and positive.
The day started off wonderfully my boys both woke up happy and we were out of the house before 8:00 a.m. (Emi spent the night at grandma's). Then we had to go to the FEMA headquarters to "close" on our loan to help with the cost of repairing the house and replacing our belongings. Things were all going well until I asked 3 questions and there were no answers. That is where my happiness and positivity was temporarily derailed. For about 30 minutes I was just angry! Not to mention frustrated and annoyed. Luckily, I posted to facebook and was almost instantly cheered up. Not to mention my bestie helped to remind me of some of the things I was temporarily overlooking.
The day improved as the hours passed. We borrowed my father-in-laws truck and went to pick up our new mattress that I bought yesterday. This is a HUGE improvement from the inflatable mattress that we have been sleeping on for over a month. It is funny how often I complained about silly things like needing new sheets or blankets falling off the bed. Now I am so grateful to have an actual mattress to sleep on that I won't have to complain about anything. Plus I did get new sheets!

Right now I am sitting on the porch as I blog. Emily and her friend that is spending the night are using Zac to do "stunts." I must admit life is good and I really feel terrible for being so angry and negative earlier. The best part of being negative for me though, is when I realize I am being silly things change and I feel so incredibly positive again.
For a moment today I thought about questioning God's faithfulness or commitment to providing for me and my family, then I realized he is providing and has always provided! I am so blessed. I wish that the frail part of my faith could be forever removed, but today I found this weakness brought me a renewed sense of purpose and devotion. That is once I quit feeling negative and started focusing on the positive things going on all around me.
I think I will end this blog for today so that I can enjoy Zac riding his new power wheel type tricycle that his Grandpa bought him. Or maybe I will go across the road to our "fwoded house" (as Zac calls it) because that is what Emily wants to do. The options for my evening are endless and that feels really nice. I am going to sit back, relax and focus on all of the amazing people I have in my life!
At this moment, this very second, right NOW, I feel nothing but love and gratitude for my life and all I have, especially the people!!!!!

First Friday Forgetfulness

2010-06-04T19:45:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot to blog today. In my defense it has been a really busy day and I accomplished a lot, minus my blog of course. I have so many blog post ideas dancing around in my head, but since I don't have a lot of time this evening I decided to share a few second snip-it of my day.That however won't work, so you will just have to imagine the kids dancing in the living room. Zac spinning and doing the splits and Emi doing a cheer or 10. Emily has started cheerleading, which now means endless cheering, complete with arms and legs flying everywhere. Not that I mind because she is awesome and it makes all of us happy to have so much "cheer" in our daily lives. Watching Zac try to imitate his big sister has become equally as enjoyable. He can now do the splits, he can't however do a flip or cartwheel, that makes him furious!
Today, I was able to organize the house and feel much better and more at ease sitting in here. The mess of moving is always tough, but this was really out of control for 3 reasons: #1, I didn't pack anything, I was at school. #2, We seriously downsized and have a very limited amount of space. #3, Stuff all of the sudden has no importance and I have felt the need to sort EVERY single item and "dispose/donate" the things that we don't really need. All in all this experience has been so rewarding. The family is closer in so many ways and not just because we are forced to physically be in close proximity!
Tomorrow is scheduled to be a very busy day. For that reason, I am hoping to complete tomorrow's blog first thing in the morning.
Hoping everyone has a wonderful, fun and restful weekend!

Miles To Go, Miley & Me

2010-06-03T16:00:00.000-07:00

When I travel I rarely sleep, in fact unless I am beyond exhausted I would rather read! This vacation I had great plans to read Three Cups of Tea, but sadly as my loving hubby packed up our soggy belongings this book was either destroyed or displaced(ha ha could have put misplaced, but I thought this word was just too perfect!). Obviously, I wasn't going to be reading that copy, so I had a back up plan in place to run by the bookstore and pick a few new books to read on my trip. That plan didn't go as planned because it quite frankly wasn't important enough. I thought I would just buy something in the airport, but that also didn't happen because it was way too expensive. This is where Miley Cyrus' book Miles To Go comes into my vacation. I bought the book for Emily because she HAS to read this summer so her brain will stay connected and she doesn't suffer from brain drain! She begrudgingly brought it along, but she has yet to finish it, in fact she is only on page 29 because she doesn't feel like reading yet, but she will feel like it or I may have to make her! *Insert evil step-mom laugh!* We were on the flight out to Portland from Vegas and I was bored so I picked up Emily's Miley book and dove in. To my surprise it was a wonderful book that I feel is a great testament to living your dreams and following your heart. There are so many wonderful stories and Miley is very open and honest about her life. As I sat on the plane I was a little embarrassed when my hubby caught me with tears streaming down my face(Ok a little more than a little ha ha)! I was reading the book and feeling myself drawn to the fact that sometimes following our dreams is a lonely place and the "miles to go" can seem so overwhelming. I enjoy Miley, she is sugary sweet and sometimes annoying because she is everywhere (especially in our world because Emily has loved her for YEARS). I think my mind has always been a little leery of the fact that most teen stars go BAD and I would hate for Emily to look up to and model bad behavior. After reading this remarkably easy to read autobiography of "this" sixteen year old super star, I can't imagine this VERY logical and grounded girl going "bad."
The theme of the book in my opinion is Miley's desire to live in the moment, to live for the NOW in life and not to become disenchanted because of temporary things and experiences. Miley has strong connections to her family and her faith. As a Mom, the way she wrote about her family is inspirational to me and I hope to be the type of Mom she has, one that is "present" in every step of my children's lives.
Here are three of my favorite quotes from Miley's book:
"The dreams that you hold for your future are what you dream about at night. They're always at the back of your mind. They're what your heart desires. They keep you going. Accept reality and have a back up plan, but always follow your dreams." (Pg. 42)
"Even the hard times are part of your life story. If you acknowledge them and move past them, they will eventually add up to the experience that makes you wise."(Pg. 108)
"Fear is the only obstacle that gets in the way of doing what we love. People are scared to travel, to try new things, to follow their dreams. Fear holds us back from living the lives we were made to live." (Pg. 216)
I could really add a million more gems from this book, but the point of this blog is to say my kid picked a pretty cool book and I had the opportunity and privilege to read it. Thanks Emily, I love you more than you know!!!!!

This is my temporary home!

2010-06-02T15:31:00.000-07:00

The past month has truly been a roller coaster of events and emotions. I am slowly beginning to feel the loss of some of our monetary possessions, only to find that we are continually being blessed with new "things" and more than that we are being showered with gifts that money can't buy.
All that is to say this has not been easy. To hear my children cry for "home" and things that are now lost is excruciating, but it is a great moment for me as a Mom to step in and teach them about the things we can acquire that will last for all eternity! I have struggled myself to stay focused on the bigger picture and to constantly remember this is just my temporary home, this is not everything, this is not what life is about, this is just a momentary event that will help mold us into the people we are meant to be.
I have fallen in love with the Carrie Underwood song "Temporary Home." I admit it is a little depressing and sadder than my current circumstances, but it has struck a chord with my heart. This is not forever all of the these experiences, are just that... they are experiences in this life, but I believe that the God I serve is preparing my home for me and I will forever find joy in that fact!
So here are a few pictures of my temporary home.

This place is not what I consider the Ritz, or even the Holiday Inn, but it is my home away from home. It fulfills its purpose and protects us from the elements(PLEASE GOD let that include the tornadoes!). It is a great way for me to remember and be grateful for the home that I never had enough time to clean and always felt was too small. I miss so many things, at various random times, but I am living in a constant state of gratitude and feel constantly amazed and encouraged. If you look closely the view from here through the corn, just past the stop sign is my home that is "in repair."
So if you ever find yourself "displaced" or away from home, just remember:
"This is our temporary home.
It's not where we belong.
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through.
This is just another stop, on the way to where we're going.
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home"

Wondering what is in store for June

2010-06-01T07:26:00.000-07:00

I have decided to give blogging daily another try. It has been six months since the last time I did and I have missed it. The month of June will no doubt be a little hectic and crazy, but it will be rewarding and worthy of at least a few blogs...I am currently sitting in the "hotel motel Holiday Inn" in Portland. When I have more time to reflect I can't wait to blog about this amazing vacation, but in the meantime since I am so weepy it is best to leave that topic alone. The blog theme for the month of June is NOW, which especially after the last 30 days has a much greater meaning than ever before. I am going to take the time to live my "now" each day and write whatever I feel like sharing. That may not always be that exciting, but I know my children will look back and love that I have these memories to share. My Dad and I spent hours this past week sharing memories, those moments will never leave me. I need him to share his stories and he is openly happy about the fact that I want to listen.
I have so much in store for my life, my family is just beginning our story and I want to make a better effort to blog the special times so that my children can look at these posts and know how special and amazing our life really is.
For today though, I have to cut this post short since we have approximately 12 hours of traveling ahead of us. Whew, this is going to be a long day, but I am ready to get back to the land of the Delta Blues. I am usually so excited about going home after a vacation, but the fact that we aren't really going home and that our actual home is still a disaster makes going home bittersweet.
I think I will close with this quote about how important this:
“Kiss your life. Accept it, just as it is. Today. Now. So that those moments of happiness you're waiting for don't pass you by.”